Film Capsules

Capsule reviews by Desson Thomson unless noted. A star ({sstar}) denotes a movie recommended by our critics.

Openings

AFTER MIDNIGHT (Unrated) -- See capsule review on Page 39.

A TOUT DE SUITE (Unrated) -- See capsule review on Page 39.

BEWITCHED (PG-13) -- See review on Page 34.

HERBIE: FULLY LOADED (G) -- See capsule review on Page 39.

KINGS AND QUEEN (Unrated) -- See review on Page 34.

George A. Romero's LAND OF THE DEAD (R) -- See review on Page 37.

MYSTERIOUS SKIN (Unrated) -- See review on Page 34.

RIZE (PG-13) -- See review on Page 37.

SAVING FACE (R) -- See review on Page 35.

First Runs & Revivals

THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY & LAVAGIRL IN 3-D (PG, 94 minutes) -- Robert Rodriguez's 3-D movie for children, based on the writings of his preteen son, is astoundingly boring and, frankly, tedious to sit through. It's about a 10-year-old kid named Max (Cayden Boyd) who daydreams so intensely about his imagined superheroes, Sharkboy (Taylor Lautner) and Lavagirl (Taylor Dooley), the fictional creations come alive. Max and his superpals find themselves (put on your 3-D glasses here) on Planet Drool, where Max must help them battle the nefarious Mr. Electric (George Lopez), a cheaply superimposed head inside a metallic holder, which fizzes with electricity. The dreamscape planet, with its cookie mountains and a milky "stream of consciousness," is disappointingly mediocre. And the 3-D effects are unimaginative and eventually too obnoxious for the eyes. Contains mildly crude humor. Area theaters.

{sstar} APRES VOUS (R, 110 minutes) -- In this French romantic comedy, Daniel Auteuil plays sweet, hapless Antoine, a headwaiter who can't say no to anyone. When he saves Louis (Jose Garcia) from hanging himself, he realizes he also has to solve the man's life problems. This means helping Louis get a job and reunite with Blanche (Sandrine Kiberlain), the florist-girlfriend who dumped him. There isn't much to the movie, and you can see where it's going from kilometers away. But Auteuil, who has been a wonderful grace note in French cinema for decades, is delightful, with a slight aversion of the eyes here, a momentary hesitation in the voice there. And Garcia makes a nice partner, too, a comically depressed mope who steadfastly refuses to accept happiness. Contains sexual situations and some obscenity. In French with subtitles. Area theaters.

{sstar} BATMAN BEGINS (PG-13, 140 minutes) -- Director Christopher Nolan, who gave us the backward classic "Memento," and his co-writer David S. Goyer (the "Blade" creator) have taken the bubble gum out of those previous "Batman" movies and returned to the dark spirit of comic book creator Bob Kane's work. This prequel about the early days, is slow-moving in many respects, but it's more narratively entrancing than the Michael Keaton-type flicks. And Christian Bale makes a credible Bruce Wayne, who undergoes rigorous training under the tutelage of mystical warrior Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson). It's fun to watch how this Wayne creates Batman from scratch, complete with the power body armor, the bat cave and that awesome batmobile. Makes you want to see him take on the Joker next. Katie Holmes is respectable though not that memorable as the assistant district attorney who becomes fascinated with Batman. Contains intense action violence and some disturbing images. Area theaters.

{sstar} CINDERELLA MAN (PG-13, 144 minutes) -- Forced to work as a longshoreman to feed his family (including his wife, played by Renee Zellweger) during the Depression, down-and-out boxer Jim Braddock (Russell Crowe) jumps at the chance to take on a heavyweight boxer. When he wins, he faces world champion Max Baer (Craig Bierko). In a way, "Cinderella Man," based on a true story, is "Seabiscuit" in boxing gloves. But there's more to it than that: a Runyonesque glow, thanks to director Ron Howard and scriptwriters Cliff Hollingsworth and Akiva Goldsman. Crowe's burly poignancy hits you foursquare in the ribs, right above the ticker. The abstract dance between his softness and physical power is the heartbeat of the movie, and it takes you through financial hardship, terrible times and some bloody battles with special grace. Contains boxing violence. Area theaters.

{sstar} CRASH (R, 100 minutes) -- The aftermath of Rodney King and 9/11 seems to sear the nostrils of every Los Angeleno in Paul Haggis's white-knuckle hatefest among characters of almost every ideological, cultural or religious stripe. Asians, Latinos, whites, blacks, rich and poor, Muslim and Christian all clash in this multi-character story that features Don Cheadle, Sandra Bullock, Matt Dillon, Ryan Phillippe, Jennifer Esposito and Chris "Ludacris" Bridges. If "Crash" only showed the dark side of humanity, it would barely be worth the viewing. But the movie is also about the best in people. As soon as we think we have some characters' number they turn around and do something quite astonishing. We're all so hopelessly human, and writer-director Haggis, who wrote the screenplay for "Million Dollar Baby," gives this truism a deeply lyrical dimension. Contains sexual scenes, obscenity and violence. Area theaters.

THE DEAL (R, 107 minutes) -- In Harvey Khan and Ruth Epstein's unbearably dull movie, Christian Slater plays Tom Hanson, a Wall Street investment banker investigating the mysterious death of a corporate buddy, among other things, and trying to jump-start his ailing career. In doing so, he uncovers terrible things: a global conspiracy! Shady dealings in boardrooms! Illegal oil trafficking! Government coverups! But he also learns this: Women just love him! Can't wait to sleep with him! The reason? Slater is one of the producers! If Slater were a bigger star, this self-serving vehicle would have been an unintentional hoot and an easy candidate for worst movie of the year. But as it is, this movie, which features Selma Blair, John Heard, Angie Harmon, Colm Feore and Robert Loggia in roles you just don't want to waste time hearing about, is just plain bad. Contains violence, obscenity and bad dialogue. Loews Cineplex Dupont Circle.

DEEP BLUE (G, 90 minutes) -- This documentary about the sea follows the post-"Fantasia" tradition of making the animal kingdom perform to classical and other evocative (sometimes comical) music by composer George Fenton. And as various sea creatures paddle, flap and float for our armchaired delectation, narrator Pierce Brosnan issues Hallmarkish, voice-over poetry about the mysteries of the deep. But it's still amazing to behold the watery spectacle, which includes emperor penguins making belly surf landings on polar caps; and the alien-like pods and other things that frequent the way-way deep of the ocean. There are also the cool sharks, the killer whales that flip their adversaries into the air and kill them, the adorable but deadly polar bears swimming through freezing seas, and so many more. Contains nothing objectionable except the cruelties of nature. Cineplex Odeon Dupont Circle.

{sstar} ENRON: THE SMARTEST GUYS IN THE ROOM (Unrated, 120 minutes) -- Based on Fortune reporters Bethany McLean and Peter Elkind's "The Smartest Guys in the Room: The Amazing Rise and Scandalous Fall of Enron," Alex Gibney's blow-by-blow documentary retelling of what was, at the time, the largest corporate bankruptcy in history is by turns harrowing and hilarious. And nauseating, too. When you're not aghast in horror at the allegations of misdeeds by Ken Lay, Jeff Skilling and Andy Fastow, three of Enron's highest executives, or laughing at the sheer chutzpah of what they've been accused of, you might be sickened by the reminders that this wasn't a victimless crime, but that thousands of employees and investors in the company lost far more than their shirts. Contains obscenity, a non-graphic reenactment of a suicide and strip club footage. Landmark's E Street Cinema.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

{sstar} FRANK MILLER'S SIN CITY (R, 124 minutes) -- Comprising three edge-of-your-seat sagas, this brilliant adaptation of Miller's cult graphic novel series is co-directed by Miller and Robert Rodriguez. (Quentin Tarantino guest-directs one scene.) Miller and Rodriguez have achieved the near-impossible: reproducing the pictorial reality of those comic book stories onto the screen with digital enhancement, darkly perfected sets and masterful makeup. The performers look part cartoon and part human and thoroughly convincing. But all the visual fandango in the world means nothing without effective performers. Everyone is terrific here, including tough guys Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Clive Owen and Benicio Del Toro. And those are just the guys. The women are equally formidable, including Jessica Alba, Brittany Murphy and Rosario Dawson as an Uzi-packing hooker. Contains obscenity, violence, nudity and sexual scenes. Arlington Cinema 'N' Drafthouse and University Mall Theatres.

{sstar} HAPPILY EVER AFTER (Unrated, 100 minutes) -- A French comedy about love and sex and marriage -- what's not to like? As a plus, this film from writer-director-star Yvan Attal ("My Wife Is an Actress") has a rockin' soundtrack (featuring the likes of the Velvet Underground, Radiohead and Elvis Presley) and a cameo appearance by Johnny Depp, who makes everything he's in just a little bit better. Too bad that it doesn't have an actual ending. Oh, the heck with it. Despite its name, this smart and sexy exploration of romance and commitment from every angle has the most appropriate end imaginable: one that's figuratively (and literally) up in the air. Contains sex scenes, nudity, obscenity and brief drug use. In French with subtitles. Landmark's E Street Cinema.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

HIGH TENSION (R, 85 minutes) -- Director and co-writer Alexandre Aja's horror film is a prolonged, strangely plotted bloodbath in which a terrifying man (Philippe Nahon) rips, tears and shreds his way through a family in southern France. When he chains the family's oldest daughter, Alex (Maiwenn Le Besco), and takes her away in his van, house guest Marie (Cecile De France) jumps aboard to save her. A terrifying ride begins. Aja doesn't have a gift for horror suspense so much as a compleat geek knowledge of all the superior scare flicks that have preceded "High Tension," or "Haute Tension," its French title. There is a twist that doesn't help matters, but it helps make a so-so gorefest somewhat intriguing. Contains very twisted violence, obscenity and sexual content. In some French with subtitles and off-kilter dubbing. Majestic Cinema.

{sstar} THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (PG, 110 minutes) -- It was a wonderful television miniseries, radio series and a five-book "trilogy," all created by Douglas Adams. Now comes this respectably amusing movie, which has Martin Freeman of the BBC series "The Office" as Arthur Dent. The hapless earthling, with an alien pal Ford Prefect (Mos Def), embarks on a massively epic and wonderfully improbable trip that includes visits to other spaceships and planets. The companions meet a bevy of oddballs, including the two-headed president of the galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox (Sam Rockwell); the eternally depressed robot Marvin (voiced by a hilariously misanthropic Alan Rickman); an extremely bizarre quasi-spiritual leader named Humma Kavula (John Malkovich); and a sort of planet construction engineer known as Slartibartfast (Bill Nighy). Given the fact that a quintessentially British show-book-franchise has been peopled with Brits and Americans and spearheaded by a Hollywood studio, this is more than a pleasant surprise. Contains some sophisticated thematic elements and minor strong language. AMC Courthouse, Regal Fairfax and AMC Mazza Gallerie.

THE HONEYMOONERS (PG-13, 89 minutes) -- This African-American-

ization of the classic Jackie Gleason-Art Carney TV show "The Honeymooners" is a really bad idea that turned out even worse. In the Gleason and Carney roles, Cedric the Entertainer and Mike Epps are such hapless characters, it's a wonder the screen itself doesn't curl up in disgust. C the E plays central character Ralph Kramden as nothing more than a tubby schemer who drives a bus and who is married, beyond logic, to Gabrielle Union (as Alice). As Ralph's sidekick Ed Norton, Epps's idea of comic grace is to walk through the movie with a fixed grin and perform pratfalls that wouldn't get a "C" grade in clown school. The less said about the story, in which Ralph attempts several harebrained schemes (entering a dog in a greyhound race, buying an old-time trolley), the better. In memory of Gleason's oft-repeated line, "To the moon, Alice," I'd like to suggest the same lunar destination to the studio geniuses who thought up this project. Contains crude humor and about as much comedy as "Hamlet." Area theaters.

HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE (PG, 110 minutes) -- Fans of Japanimation icon Hayao Miyazaki ("Spirited Away") are more likely to be wowed by his feature-length, "Yu-Gi-Oh!"-flavored cartoon than are fans of British author Diana Wynne Jones's dark and oh-so-tweedy book, on which it is ostensibly based. While not without its visual charms (particularly as regards the castle of the title, which walks around on four spindly legs), the movie -- about a young girl (voice of Emily Mortimer) who seeks refuge in the mobile home of a misunderstood wizard (Christian Bale) after she's been turned into an old woman (Jean Simmons) by a witch (Lauren Bacall) -- bears no more relation to the novel than gummy bears do to grizzlies. Catering to kids and anime fan boys, this Disney-safe "Howl" is anything but moving. Contains some mildly scary images and a brief glimpse of Howl's naked rear end. Area theaters.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

THE INTERPRETER (PG-13, 135 minutes) -- Sydney Pollack's thriller rides for a long time on a compelling premise: the possibility of an assassination in the United Nations' General Assembly. U.N. interpreter Silvia Broome (Nicole Kidman) gets wind of a plan to kill an African leader. But when she contacts the U.S. Secret Service, Silvia is surprised to find herself the target of suspicion by agent Tobin Keller (Sean Penn), the man in charge of investigating her report. As a straight-ahead thriller, the movie is enjoyable and stirring much of the time. But Kidman's character is schematically conceived: a native of (fictional) Matobo and a sophisticate with radical connections to (and formulaically traumatic memories of) Matobo's revolutionary days. And Penn's Tobin, who also carries around his own formulaic mental baggage, makes an interesting but not emotionally involving foil. Contains violence, some sexual content and brief obscenity. Area theaters.

KICKING & SCREAMING (PG, 87 minutes) -- Never one to let weak material stand in the way of getting laughs, Will Ferrell manages to come up with a few great comic bits playing the inept coach of a youth soccer team. Ultimately, though, his anarchic genius is wasted in a kiddie comedy in which everybody learns something in the end -- about teamwork, about how having fun is more important than winning and about the kind of movie not to put someone with Ferrell's slyly subversive humor in. Contains crude humor and language. Regal Fairfax.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (PG-13, 138 minutes) -- Ridley Scott's epic, about the battle of wills between Balian of Ibelin (Orlando Bloom), a 12th-century French crusader charged with protecting Jerusalem from Muslim leader Saladin (Ghassan Massoud), is a powerful visual experience. But at the same time, it's just another digitalized, live-action cartoon that suggests "Lord of the Rings IV: Legolas Defends Jerusalem." Scott and screenwriter William Monahan have assembled a thoughtful (if flawed) antiwar scenario about the religious divisions that pit one great people against another. But the movie's reduced to a backdrop for a boy toy with good hair and excellent backlighting. The real star is Massoud as Saladin, an Islamic hero of deep integrity. To introduce an archetype like this to western audiences may have been worth this whole flawed movie. Contains graphic battle violence. AMC Courthouse.

{sstar} KUNG FU HUSTLE (R, 95 minutes) -- Stephen Chow's martial arts comedy snaps and crackles like nuclear popcorn on a scorching griddle. Filmmaker Chow, who made the hyper-cartoonish comedy "Shaolin Soccer," has out-brillianted himself. He plays Sing, an impoverished opportunist who manages to antagonize a small slummers' community and the Axe Gang oppressing them. The whole thing's a glorious excuse for amazing computer-generated imagery and jaw-dropping visual effects. Characters defy gravity in the manner of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." They withstand amazing physical punishment, as if they're the fleshy residents of a Hong Kong-style Warner Bros. cartoon. And their protracted, balletic fights are great as kung fu spectacle and for their comic genius. Contains stylized violence and some obscenity. In Cantonese with subtitles. AMC Hoffman Center.

{sstar} LADIES IN LAVENDER (PG-13, 104 minutes) -- Maggie Smith and Judi Dench give outstanding performances as lonely sisters who nurse an injured young man (Daniel Bruhl) back to health after he washes up on the shore of their Cornish village in this restrained British melodrama about love and letting go. Directed with a sure hand by actor Charles Dance, who clearly knows that the best way to play a scene is often to underplay it, the film never strays into mawkishness, even as it makes palpable the sisters' pain at the memories of love the stranger's presence dredges up and the dignity with which they must ultimately accept what they cannot have. Contains brief crude language. In English, German, Polish and French with some subtitles. Area theaters.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

{sstar} LAYER CAKE (R, 104 minutes) -- Smooth businessman X (Daniel Craig) from London thinks he's got the perfect scheme. A rental agent by day and a cocaine and ecstasy manufacturer by night, he believes he can make the illegal drug trade work for him and not the other way around. But he has underestimated the will and orneriness of the gangsters around him. Debuting director Matthew Vaughn, who produced such Guy Ritchie movies as "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels," has made a coolly detached, classic gangster saga about the clashing of rival empires, where the only thing worse than the killer before you is the killer waiting behind him. There's no escape in this world, only moments of personal courage, grace and luck. Ultimately, X realizes, luck is the most precious element of all. As X, Craig is a compelling presence, a brilliant, slick opportunist who is rapidly learning that drug dealing, murder, treachery and blackmail are simply occupational hazards in this world. The principal sin is yuppie arrogance. And he's going to be a very lucky man indeed to get out of this thing alive. Contains graphic violence, obscenity and sexual scenes. Cineplex Odeon Shirlington and Landmark's E Street Cinema.

THE LONGEST YARD (PG-13, 114 minutes) -- This remake of the 1974 comedy-drama about a high-stakes football game between vicious prison guards and a ragtag team of out-matched inmates benefits most from the smart-alecky wit of Chris Rock and the smirking slacker humor of Adam Sandler as genial convicts, even as it adds little to the original film. Still, the playing out of its predictable formula -- is there anyone alive who doubts the outcome of the game? -- is not without its rote pleasures. It's like setting up dominoes and watching them fall. There are no surprises, but a certain satisfaction to sticking it to the man -- again. Contains violence, sexual and drug humor and obscenity. Area theaters.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

MADAGASCAR (PG, 86 minutes) -- The latest offering from DreamWorks Animation SKG, a tale of citified zoo animals who escape to the wilds of Madagascar from the Central Park Zoo, is high in antic energy but low in charm. Voiced with mostly perfunctory delivery by Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer and Jada Pinkett Smith, the quartet of, respectively, Alex the lion, Marty the zebra, Melman the giraffe and Gloria the hippo experience a rude awakening when Alex's carnivorous nature puts their friendships at stake. But the story, which attempts to laugh its way out the fact that some animals eat one another, never really resolves its central conflict, which arises from the inescapable fact that it's a dog-eat-dog world. Contains cartoon violence, some humor centered on excretory functions, a bit of mild vulgar language and thematic material related to the fact that animals eat one another. Area theaters.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

{sstar} MAD HOT BALLROOM (PG, 95 minutes) -- Marilyn Agrelo's at times stirring documentary follows groups of young participants in American Ballroom Theater's "Dancing Classrooms" program as they prepare for a climactic dance-off with student ballroom dancers from New York City public schools. It's a lot like "Spellbound," the spelling bee documentary, in that it has as much to say about the contestants -- their lives and aspirations -- as it does about the contest. In the end, it isn't only about the dancing (though there's plenty of that, and it's pretty darn good) as it is about living and growing up. Contains some mild references to sex and violence. Area theaters.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

{sstar} MILLION DOLLAR BABY (PG-13, 137 minutes) -- You can almost smell the ringside sweat and old leather punching bags in Clint Eastwood's tribute to the "sweet science" of boxing, and the old-time movies and fiction devoted to it. Based on two short stories in "Rope Burns," by F.X. Toole (the pseudonym of former cut-man Jerry Boyd), it's a gut-stirring tall tale about a boxer (one buff Hilary Swank), her crusty trainer (Eastwood) and the wily old boxing gym proprietor (Morgan Freeman) who narrates the story. As Maggie, Swank is a package of dynamite, a determined soul with too much to prove and too little time to do it in. And Eastwood is so good in this movie, it almost feels like cheating. Contains some brutal boxing violence, emotional intensity and obscenity. Arlington Cinema 'N' Drafthouse.

MONSTER-IN-LAW (PG-13, 101 minutes) -- It doesn't seem right that Jane Fonda, playing the titular harridan, Viola Fields, allows her character, a woman bent on sabotaging the impending nuptials of her doctor son (Michael Vartan) to an impoverished artist (Jennifer Lopez), to be consistently upstaged by her own wisecracking personal assistant (Wanda Sykes). Shouldn't the character of Viola be a scenery-chewing comic shrew? She's not. Just a tiresome and unpleasant woman who could take some tips on how to diss the competition from her smart-mouthed secretary. Contains some obscenity, sexual humor and comic violence. Majestic Cinema, AMC Hofman Center and University Mall Theatres.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

{sstar} MR. & MRS. SMITH (PG-13, 112 minutes) -- The premise is admittedly slight: Husband-and-wife hit men (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) are hired to kill each other as bullets and romantic sparks fly. Nevertheless, Pitt and Jolie's monumental charisma, coupled with director Doug Liman's stylishly jaundiced staging, makes this allegory of modern love and marriage a summer diversion that's fast-paced, fun and sexy enough for the multiplex crowd and blackhearted enough for those with a taste for something more acidic. It's a grown-up popcorn movie. Contains obscenity, violence and sexual content. Area theaters.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

{sstar} MY SUMMER OF LOVE (R, 81 minutes) -- Two young women (Emily Blunt and Nathalie Press) meet by chance in the Yorkshire countryside and instantly understand they are meant for each other. Tamsin (Blunt) is a rich, horse-riding bon vivant without a care in the world. Mona (Press) is a working-class girl who lives over, and runs, a local pub. But their budding relationship is threatened by Mona's brother and born-again Christian Phil (Paddy Considine), who doesn't like their fast growing union. Things get ugly. Whether or not director Pawel Pawlikowski's dark, almost biblical finale brings things to a satisfying conclusion is a matter for debate. But for all its melodramatic excesses, "My Summer" remains highly watchable for atmosphere and performances. Pawlikowski, a Polish filmmaker working in England, has made an urgent, often compelling chamber piece about the lurking forces underneath our finer intentions. Contains sexual scenes, obscenity and violence. Landmark's Bethesda Row and Cineplex Odeon Dupont Circle.

THE PERFECT MAN (PG, 96 minutes) -- Loosely based on a true story, in which a teenage girl courted her own single mother by means of a fictitious suitor the girl had created, "The Perfect Man" is disturbing on many levels. Unfortunately, it doesn't even have the good sense to know how disturbing it is and have a little fun with it. As a result, the fluffy romantic comedy, starring Hilary Duff as the girl, Holly, Heather Locklear as her mother, and Chris Noth as Holly's unwitting co-conspirator, is something even worse: creepy and boring. Contains a joke about flatulence and mildly suggestive humor. Area theaters.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

{sstar} ROBOTS (PG, 91 minutes) -- A young robot named Rodney (voice of Crawford Wilson and, later, Ewan McGregor) grows up to be a resourceful inventor with aspirations to put together new robots out of old parts. But in this ever-modernizing world, reconditioned robots -- known as outmodes -- are rapidly obsolete. Rodney's dream puts him at odds with the dastardly industrialist Phineas T. Ratchet (Greg Kinnear), who plans to turn everyone into a revamped, expensive model. "Robots," directed by Chris Wedge and Carlos Saldanha, moves along at an entertaining, if increasingly familiar clip. It isn't superior to such computer-animated hits as "Shrek" and "The Incredibles," but it's still visually inventive; and Robin Williams is amusing as a quippy robot named Fender. Contains slightly risque sexual humor and bathroom gags. University Mall Theatres.

SAHARA (PG-13, 124 minutes) -- Master explorer Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey) is determined to unearth an ironclad battleship from the Civil War era that somehow wound up near Africa's Niger river. With his quippy sidekick, Al Giordino (Steve Zahn), and a sultry Spanish doctor (Penelope Cruz), he goes after it, with the army of a corrupt military leader and Tuareg tribesmen on his trail. The movie, based on a novel from the Dirk Pitt series by Clive Cussler, "Sahara" is pretty much an excuse for McConaughey (one of several executive producers) to flex his gym-toned assets and play tough on boats, trains and camels. But despite a plethora of high-action chases, gun battles, boat battles and the various exotic locales, the movie is a lame Indiana Jones episode. Contains action violence. Arlington Cinema 'N' Drafthouse.

THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS (PG, 120 minutes) -- Four teenage girls. One pair of secondhand jeans that clearly could not possibly fit -- but somehow, miraculously, does -- four very differently sized derrieres. What might have worked on the pages of Ann Brashares's best-selling novel, about the life-changing experiences of four friends who share a single pair of pants as an emblem of their friendship, emphatically does not in living color. While America Ferrera, Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bledel and Blake Lively are fine actresses, I never bought the fact that they could all squeeze into the same trousers, let alone that they would even be friends with each other. Consisting of the sporty blonde sexpot (Lively), antisocial punk (Tamblyn), volatile Latina (Ferrera) and mousy artist (Bledel), the quartet is more like a group of underage Spice Girls, archetypes rather than real people. Contains thematic material related to teen sexuality and the death of loved ones. Area theaters.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

STAR WARS: EPISODE III -- REVENGE OF THE SITH (PG-13, 140 minutes) -- In this final installment of the "Star Wars" mega-ology, we learn about the circumstances that led to the creation of Darth Vader. But this most potentially compelling episode of all is marred by the disappointingly ordinary Hayden Christensen, whose evolution from Anakin Skywalker to the baddest, heavy-breathing villain in sci-fi popular culture, amounts to a sort of tizzy fit. It seems he just can't get invited to the inner circle of Jedi knights, run by Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) and all, so he joins forces with Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), who doubles as the hissable Sith Vicious, uh, Darth Sidious. There are some enjoyable spectacles involving lightsaber battles between Obi-Wan and Anakin. But the whole subplot between Anakin and his wife, Padme (Natalie Portman), is dramatically flat, and the story shows us nothing that we didn't expect. Contains sci-fi violence. Area theaters.

{sstar} TORREMOLINOS 73 (Unrated, 91 minutes) -- It's hard to say whether Javier Camara is funnier as the nebbishy encyclopedia-salesman-turned-filmmaker behind the camera or as his own leading man in the series of Super-8 sex films that are at the heart of this charming serio-comic film from Spanish writer-director Pablo Berger. Camara's character, who is forced to make sexually explicit "documentaries" starring himself and his wife (Candela Pena) when his boss (Juan Diego) phases out his sales job, is disconcerted to discover that his little science films are huge hits in Scandinavia's adult entertainment world. But that's not his biggest surprise, as Berger's film takes a sharp turn toward more serious subject matter, choosing a bittersweet conclusion over easy laughs. Contains sex scenes, nudity and some obscenity. In Spanish and Danish with subtitles. Landmark's E Street Cinema.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

{sstar} WALK ON WATER (Unrated, 94 minutes) -- The black-and-white moral world of an assassin (Lior Ashkenazi) working for Israel's Mossad intelligence agency starts to look mighty gray when his assignment to track down and terminate a fugitive Nazi leads him to befriend the old man's grandchildren, a pretty young German woman living on a kibbutz (Caroline Peters) and her gay brother (Knut Berger). Eytan Fox's film is rich with ideas about what ethical living means, making connections between homophobia, Nazism and the desire for -- and spiritual costs of -- revenge. It's a beautiful, complex film about friendship, letting go of the past and embracing forgiveness. Contains obscenity, some violence (both actual and theoretical), nudity and discussion of sexuality. Landmark's Bethesda Row.

Repertory

AIR AND SPACE MUSEUM/DOWNTOWN -- At the Lockheed Martin Imax Theater: "Fighter Pilot," daily at 11:25, 2, 4 and 6. "Space Station (3D)," daily at 10:25, 12:25, 3 and 5. "To Fly!" daily at 1:25. At the Albert Einstein Planetarium: "Infinity Express," daily at 10:30, 11, 11:30, 12:30, 1, 1:30, 2, 2:30, 3, 3:30, 4, 4:30 and 5. "The Stars Tonight," daily at noon. Seventh and Independence SW. 202-357-1686.

AIR AND SPACE MUSEUM/DULLES -- "Fighter Pilot," daily at 11:30, 1:30, 3:30 and 5:30. "Straight Up: Helicopters in Action," daily at 2:30. "Magic of Flight," daily at 12:30 and 4:30. 14390 Air and Space Museum Pkwy., Chantilly. 202-357-2700.

AMERICAN CITY DINER -- "Kill Bill -- Vol. 1," Friday at 8. "Garden State," Saturday at 8. "The Birds," Sunday at 8. "Cool Hand Luke," Monday at 8. "GoodFellas," Tuesday at 8. "The Silence of the Lambs," Wednesday at 8. "Closer," Thursday at 8. 5532 Connecticut Ave. NW. 202-244-1949.

DC ANIME CLUB -- "Black Heaven," "Samurai Deeper Kyo" and "Full Metal Panic," Saturday at 1. Martin Luther King Library, Room A9, 901 G St. NW. 202-582-2492.

FREER -- "Paper Flowers (Kaagaz Ke Phool)," Friday at 7. "King, Queen, and Knave (Sahib Bibi Aur Ghulam)," Sunday at 2. Free, but tickets required. Meyer Auditorium, 12th Street and Jefferson Drive SW. 202-633-1000.

HIRSHHORN -- "Cosmic Drift" multimedia event, Saturday at 9:30 p.m.; lobby and plaza (free). "Rory O'Shea Was Here," Thursday at 7; Ring Auditorium. Seventh and Independence SW. 202-633-4674.

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS -- "The Shadow of the Cat," Friday at 7. "The Pirates of Penzance," Tuesday at 6:30. "Eye of the Cat," Thursday at 7. Free. Mary Pickford Theater, 101 Independence Ave. SE. 202-707-5677.

MARYLAND SCIENCE CENTER -- Imax Theater: "Bugs! (3D)," daily at 10:30, 12:40, 2:55 and 5. "Titanica" and "Hubble: Galaxies Across Space & Time," daily at 11:35, 1:45, 3:55 and 7:10. "Antarctica," daily at 6:05. Davis Planetarium: "The Sky: Live!" Friday and Monday-Thursday at noon, 3 and 5; Saturday-Sunday at 3 and 5. "The Sky Above Mister Rogers' Neighborhood," daily at 1. "Entertaining Einstein," Friday, Saturday and Thursday at 2, 4 and 6; Sunday-Wednesday at 2 and 4. "Live From the Sun," Saturday-Sunday at noon. 601 Light St., Baltimore. 410-685-5225.

NATIONAL ARCHIVES -- "Preserving the Charters of Freedom," daily at 10:30, 11, 11:30, noon, 12:30, 1, 1:30, 2, 2:30, 3, 3:30 and 4. Free. William G. McGowan Theater, Constitution Avenue between Seventh and Ninth streets NW. 202-501-5000.

NATIONAL GALLERY OF ART -- "Marius," Saturday at 2 and Sunday at 4. "Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working With Time," Sunday at 2. Free. East Building, Fourth and Constitution NW. 202-737-4215.

NATIONAL MUSEUM OF THE AMERICAN INDIAN -- "Spirit of the Game," Friday at noon. "Hand Game," Saturday at noon. Free. Rasmuson Theater, Fourth Street and Independence Avenue SW. 202-633-1000.

NATIONAL MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY -- Johnson Imax Theater: "Into the Deep (3D)," Friday-Saturday at 10:20, 12:10, 2, 3:50, 5:40 and 7:30; Sunday-Thursday at 10:20, 12:10, 2 and 3:50. "T-Rex: Back to the Cretaceous (3D)," Friday-Saturday at 11:10, 1, 2:50, 4:40 and 6:30; Sunday-Thursday at 11:10, 1, 2:50 and 4:40. Baird Auditorium: "The Greatest Good," Friday at noon, Saturday-Sunday at 2 (free). 10th and Constitution NW. 202-633-7400.

NATIONAL POSTAL MUSEUM -- "Men and Mail in Transit" and "Mail in Motion," Saturday at noon. Free. Discovery Center, 2 Massachusetts Ave. NE. 202-357-2991.

PSYCHOTRONIC FILM SOCIETY -- "Super Badass," Tuesday at 8. Dr. Dremo's Taphouse, 2001 Clarendon Blvd., Arlington. 202-736-1732 or 202-707-2540.

ST. ELMO'S COFFEE PUB -- "The World Tribunal on Iraq," Tuesday at 8. Free. 2300 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria. 703-739-9268.

SHEPHERDSTOWN FILM SOCIETY -- "Monumental: David Brower's Fight to Protect Wild America," Friday at 7. Free. Shepherdstown University's Reynolds Hall, King Street, Shepherdstown, W.Va. 304-876-1837.

New on Video

CALLAS FOREVER

(UNRATED, 2002, 108 MINUTES, CAPITOL FILMS)

This fair-to-middling movie is Franco Zeffirelli's semi-autobiographical, imagined account of the last months in opera diva Maria Callas's life. Jeremy Irons plays the singer's estranged manager, Larry Kelly, who pays Callas (Fanny Ardant) a visit in 1977 to coax her out of self-imposed seclusion. But she's mourning the loss of former husband Aristotle Onassis to Jackie Kennedy and the deterioration of her once legendary voice. Little by little, Kelly persuades her to agree to act and lip-sync her way through a movie production of "Carmen." Ardant has some nice moments as the tormented performer, but ultimately, she's hampered by a rather dull script. Irons throws himself into his ponytailed performance with fascinating abandon. But enthusiasm can only do so much. Contains obscenity and sexual innuendo.

-- Desson Thomson

{sstar} COACH CARTER

(PG-13, 2005, 137 MINUTES, PARAMOUNT PICTURES)

A basketball coach (Samuel L. Jackson) is told to turn around a losing team of trash-talking high school students. He lays down the law. Forces them to sign a contract promising to keep good grades. And guess what: They start winning. The film's based on the true story of Coach Ken Carter, who famously benched his Richmond (California, not Virginia) high school team in 1999 until the players upped their poor GPAs. And yes, "Coach Carter" covers every cliche in the sports movie playbook, but it also makes the routine much more enjoyable than you'd expect. It's fun, thanks to exuberant actors Antwon Tanner, Channing Tatum, Rob Brown, Rick Gonzalez, Robert Ri'chard and others, as they sass, razz, rip and high-five their way through the season. Contains obscenity, drug dealing, teenage drinking and sexual situations.

-- D.T.

CURSED

(PG-13, 2005, 96 MINUTES, DIMENSION FILMS)

What a waste: a singular presence like Christina Ricci in a dim werewolf caper, where the lycanthrope is played by -- hold your breath -- a guy in a wolf suit. After she and her brother (Jesse Eisenberg) are attacked and bitten by that same animal, they develop a keener smell and weird, pentagram-like scabs on their hands. And they seem to generate some sexual attractant. Wes Craven, who started the "Nightmare on Elm Street" series, should know a lot better. So should writer Kevin Williamson, creator of "Dawson's Creek." These two guys also teamed up on the "Scream" movies, which at least committed wholly to the idea of parody, whereas "Cursed" makes only a halfhearted attempt. The special effects are particularly lame, and an insult to the proud werewolf tradition of "An American Werewolf in London" or the even better "The Howling." Contains horror violence without much gore.

-- Stephen Hunter

HOSTAGE

(R, 2005, 113 MINUTES, MIRAMAX FILMS)

You don't so much watch "Hostage" as feel it with your sphincter, which is not an entirely unflattering thing to say about a film of this sort (that is to say, intense and brutal). For much of its duration -- during which Bruce Willis, a hotshot L.A. hostage negotiator turned small-town cop, tries to free a family held prisoner in their own home by a trio of teenage punks -- the impact is purely visceral. After an hour and a half of this, however, the body, not to mention the mind (well, my mind anyway), starts craving some sort of release. Short of the hail of bullets and molotov cocktails that come at the film's climax, that release never comes. Or at least it doesn't satisfy in the way a good thriller ought to. Contains blood, bullets, brutality, considerable obscenity and some drug use.

-- Michael O'Sullivan

THE JACKET

(R, 2005, 103 MINUTES, WARNER BROS.)

Psychiatric ward patient Jack Starks (Adrien Brody) finds himself an amnesia victim and stuck in a mental netherworld of past, present and future, the result of a gunshot wound during the Gulf War. Revisiting traumatic scenes from the past, including a New Year's Day shooting, he comes to realize all this mental maneuvering has some bearing on the future of a young woman (Keira Knightley) and her mother (Kelly Lynch). It's time to take action. This would have been a fascinating film if "The Jacket" had decided to go on its own instead of downloading elements from "Jacob's Ladder," "The Silence of the Lambs" and "Memento." Contains violence, obscenity, sexual scenes and nudity.

-- D.T.

MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED AND FABULOUS

(PG-13, 2005, 115 MINUTES, WARNER BROS.)

Even when Sandra Bullock appears in films that seem to have been scraped from the depths of the romantic-comedy sewer, her intelligent, everywoman charm manages to win over audiences in spite of preposterous plotlines and banal dialogue. But even Bullock's brand of gutsy goofiness can't save this glaringly unfunny sequel to 2000's "Miss Congeniality," itself a pretty laughless affair about a tomboyish, crude FBI agent who gets an Eliza Doolittle-style makeover so she can go undercover as a beauty pageant contestant. Ten months after the pageant, FBI "spokes-model" Gracie and her feisty new partner, Sam (Regina King), go to Las Vegas, where Miss United States (Heather Burns) and pageant emcee Stan Fields (William Shatner) have been kidnapped. Gracie is supposed to handle press conferences while Sam acts as her bodyguard, but the plucky agents start believing they can solve this crime faster than the local feds. And if you think solving the crime means they have to participate in a musical number at a drag queen show, you're right. For much of the movie, Gracie is so infuriatingly obnoxious, it's impossible to be on her side. Contains sex-related humor.

-- Jen Chaney