Dear Amy:

After 71/2 years of marriage, I am faced with a very confusing matter. After we married, I found out that my husband shares a credit card with his ex-girlfriend. I accepted that he would not contact her unless it was absolutely necessary.

However, one night, on a hunch, I drove to her house and his vehicle was there. He would not answer his phone, so I waited for him to come out. As I traveled behind him, I called again and carried on a conversation in which he denied being there, denied his tag number and denied being in touch with her. When I told him where I was, he raced to beat me home.

I arrived first and locked him out and asked him to leave and make other arrangements until I was ready to deal with this in a civil manner.

He agreed to do whatever was necessary to rebuild my trust in him, no matter how long it took. Now I find that he has maintained a close relationship with her now-adult children. He had never mentioned them to me. He does their taxes and they call him on his cell phone on a regular basis. He says it is just business.

The last straw is that he called and asked me if I would be interested in selling my car and taking over the payments on the ex's daughter's car because it was going to be repossessed. I was astonished. I love my car, and it is almost paid off!

Am I being unreasonable in wanting him to terminate these relationships? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?


Can I have your husband's phone number? I mean, I really love my accountant, but your husband seems to take customer service to a whole new level.

I don't think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Your husband is. The cat-and-mouse game you've been playing should be embarrassing to both of you.

Spouses shouldn't engage in business or personal relationships that cause their partner pain, anguish or dealings with the repo man. You do realize that his ex could ruin his credit?

A marriage counselor could help the two of you to mediate this, and I hope you will try.

Dear Amy:

A few months ago I had to meet with a lawyer regarding some legal action I needed to take. The attorney I met with was very attractive and charming. I was attracted to him and had planned to ask him out eventually. However, I recently learned that he has left his law firm for new employment.

I "Googled" him and came up with his resume that contained his address, home number and e-mail address. In addition, I also have his cell phone number still stored in my phone from when he called me during the litigation.

I don't want to come off as a stalker or freak him out, but I would like to ask him out. I feel as though our paths crossed for a reason and I'd never forgive myself if I don't at least get an answer one way or another.

I'm not sure what he would say, but I got a good vibe from him when we met (my case has been resolved, by the way). He'd always say it was nice to see me, and we'd talk about personal things. My instinct says to call his cell phone, because I can easily explain why I had his number. E-mailing him also strikes me as a possible option, but I wouldn't dare call his home number or go to his place.

What do you suggest?

S.M., Chicago

Don't call his cell phone. Maybe it's just me, but because most of us have a cell phone as a literal extension of our bodies, it seems like the most intimate call to make.

I think e-mail is perfect for this sort of thing. You can e-mail him at his new firm and say that you understand he changed firms and that you wanted to check in. Include a very short paragraph about what's going on with you (this will remind him of who you are, in case he might have forgotten). Ask him if he's available to meet you for coffee. Make sure he realizes it's a nonprofessional meeting (you don't want to become a "billable hour"). Then it's up to him to get back to you.

After he "Googles" you, of course.

Write to Amy Dickinson at or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

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