Dear Amy:

I could not believe your puritanical comments to "Jersey Girl" about a husband who occasionally goes to a stag party at a strip club. You say the places are boring, depressing and demeaning to women. Maybe it's boring to you because you don't enjoy looking at half-naked women.

I occasionally go to a topless bar, and I think of it as watching a floor show while I drink my beer.

You said that if a wife considers it "cheating" to visit a strip club, then the husband should not trade in his wife's respect for a night of idiocy. This is balderdash.

I would like to see your response if a man complained that his wife spent a night at Chippendales with some friends. What if a man called it "cheating" for his wife to give a dollar bill to a male stripper?

You would probably write a diatribe about how women are liberated now, and it is only some harmless fun, and how the man should stop being so insecure.

Let me give you a mild word of advice. Most women are control freaks, and they get huffy and standoffish if their men don't follow orders.

That is absolutely the wrong way to respond if a husband insists on viewing a change of scenery at a strip club.

What the wife should do is demand that the husband have sex with her before he departs. That will reduce his interest in looking at other women, and it will probably make him want to come home sooner.

Unfortunately, it goes against the female nature. Women would rather drive their men away, instead of giving him a reason to come home.

Philip From Denver

Goodness knows I love a good diatribe now and then, and you've delivered one.

Loving partners -- men and women -- should not engage in activities that cause the other partner pain or shame.

If the idea of a wife folding dollar bills into the G-string of a Chippendales dancer causes a husband genuine heartache, then the wife should respect her marriage and her husband enough to give that experience a pass. Though I've always had the impression that Chippendales shows were silly and more benign than lap-dancing nude female dancers, I have to admit that I have never been to a Chippendales show. I have been to strip clubs, however, and my perception of them as depressing and demeaning to women is undeniable -- despite the fact that you enjoy them.

Now on to you. I'm not surprised that you spend some of your leisure hours in topless bars while you nurse your beer. With the attitude you have toward women, it doesn't seem likely that you'll be getting any real action any time soon. And if that's working for you, my friend, then you just keep on doing what you're doing.

Write to Amy Dickinson at or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

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