Dear Amy:

I am 25 years old and have a wonderful boyfriend. He is perfect in every way except one: He regularly looks at images of naked women.

These photos are usually e-mailed to him by friends several days a week. I know this because I have seen his e-mail in-box and see what has been sent to him.

I have let him know that this really bothers me, but he says, "I'm a man and this is how men are."

This upsets me because I obviously cannot compare to some fake-breasted blond model who is airbrushed to look perfect.

I feel that if he has to look at pictures of other women, then he's not happy with the way that I am. It upsets me because, even though he knows how much this bothers me, he is not willing to stop.

I've asked him to tell his friends not to e-mail him things like this anymore, or if they do, to just delete them right away when he sees a subject line like "Big Jugs."

He says he will not do this.

Amy, this upsets me no end. I regularly cry about it. I'm in no way a super-feminist, but it bothers me deeply when men look at women as objects.

There is something about this that makes me feel like the lowest of the low.

What can I do? Is it worth it to break up with him over this?

Insecure on Long Island, N.Y.

One way of getting past this impasse would be to stay out of Mr. Wonderful's e-mail.

I'm no fan of porn, mind you, but you say that this upsets you and makes you cry, and that you've expressed yourself clearly to your boyfriend. He doesn't care how this makes you feel, so if you choose to stay with him, then you will have to find a way to tolerate his habit. He has made that crystal clear.

Loving, wonderful partners don't engage in activities that diminish and continually upset their partner. Your guy chooses his freedom to acquaint himself with "Big Jugs" over your feeling good about yourself.

Let me put it this way. If your guy hated smoking and you loved to smoke, then eventually he would probably tire of your smoking and ask you to stop. If you refused to stop, then he would assume that you liked smoking more than you liked him. He would also have a good reason to leave the relationship.

If feeling "like the lowest of the low" isn't a reason to leave this "wonderful" and "perfect guy," then I don't know what is.

Dear Amy:

Last year, my mother passed away unexpectedly. Because she had no will, I was appointed personal representative of her estate.

The only asset that my mother had was her house. She owed a lot of money to creditors. The house finally sold in March, and after paying all of my mother's debts, there was very little left for me and my sister.

I got a call yesterday from my aunt saying that she lent my mother $800 to pay her car payment and mortgage sometime last year, and that she wanted the money back. I was appalled. I knew nothing of this.

To keep the family peace, I told her I would meet her halfway and give her $400. She came back saying that she had $550 in canceled checks and the rest she didn't have proof of, but that I should pay it back.

Amy, I'm willing to give her back what she has proof of, but I don't feel I should give her any more than that.

What do you think?


I hope you remembered to thank your aunt for bailing out your mother when she needed it. After you thank her, you should repay her. Why? Because that's the right thing to do. Unless you have reason to believe that your aunt is being untruthful or trying to soak you, then I think you should repay her the full amount.

Write to Amy Dickinson at or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

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