After being a divorced and single mom for a long time, I got remarried. We have been married for less than a year.
I am proud of the fact that I got a good man and that I did not do what so many other women do -- and that is to get into the same bad relationships again and again.
My new husband is a sweet man -- almost too sweet. I find myself embarrassed to be with him in public because of the looks I get from other people. People even asked me if he was gay before they knew we were married. At my former place of work, the ladies used to tease me because he would call me with this little soft, airy voice.
He even crosses his legs like a woman when he sits. I get the strangest looks and comments about him.
It's not only what other people think. I think it too. I also hate that he is so passive that I have to initiate every intimate moment we have ever had. He is too afraid, even though I have never turned him away.
On the other hand, he is a kind husband. He brings me flowers every month on our wedding anniversary date and never raises his voice in anger. He is happy at home and doesn't stray.
I just can't get over these feelings. I know it's something wrong inside of me that makes me feel this way, and I can't help the way I feel. How can I change the fact that I feel I am married to a little boy and not a man?
I assume that you noticed all of these traits before you married your husband. Perhaps you were too caught up in the triumph of finding a good guy to be with and didn't pay enough attention to how much his behavior bothers you.
Your husband could be gay. He could be straight. He could be somewhere in between, sexually speaking. Perhaps he's shy, sexually inexperienced, or turned off by you in some way.
The trick is to talk about it. You've already waited so long to talk to him that every little thing that bugs you is magnified and perhaps pulled way out of proportion. If you want something different from what you are getting, then you need to talk to him, not to force him to change, but so that the two of you can achieve more intimacy in your marriage and so you can understand each other more completely.
A thoughtful marriage counselor could guide the two of you through this. Unfortunately, after a year of marriage, you're only starting to figure out if you're compatible.
My wife and I have been happily married for 17 years.
She just received information regarding her 25-year high school class reunion and is planning on attending without me.
The reunion will be in another city, which means it will be a weekend away. I told her that I would like to go with her, but she insists that I will be bored and have a terrible time because I don't know anybody.
She may be right, but I am confused and hurt by her insistence that I not go. I am a highly degreed, successful professional, in great shape, and a nice guy, so she has no reason to be embarrassed of me. I trust her, but I find this to be very strange. Am I off base?
Ideally, your wife would invite you to accompany her. Then you could say, "Oh, Honey, I'll just get in the way. You go ahead by yourself." Because she hasn't given you the opportunity to be gracious, now you're suspicious, and I don't blame you.
The 25th reunion seems to be a watershed year where some middle-age classmates dig into their yearbooks and decide to try to rekindle their fantasy high school romances. That's your worst-case scenario, and judging from the contents of my in-box, it has been known to happen. You need to try to get to the bottom of this.
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