Dignity x messages = Dig-sages, n. Experts in nose-picking.

Yoda x schema = Yo-ma, v. To insult someone's ancestry.

Sunsets x long-neck = Sun-neck, n., the currently preferred term for one of

rural Southern heritage.

This week's contest: Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound. Each part should consist of at least one syllable but can't be the entire word. Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives, discourtesy of Loser Ezra Deutsch-Feldman of Bethesda, the CD "Here Comes . . . El Son: Songs of the Beatles . . . With a Cuban Twist." Some of the cuts are actually pretty good. Some are not.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 10. Results will be published Oct. 30. Put "Week 630" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Entries are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Brendan Beary of Great Mills.

Report from Week 626, in which we asked for catalogue descriptions of comical college courses:

{diam}Third runner-up: Film 007: The James Bond Canon. Students will view all of the Bond films and write their term paper on which Bond is the best. Those choosing Sean Connery will get an A, Pierce Brosnan a B, Roger Moore a C, George Lazenby a D and Timothy Dalton an F. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

{diam}Second runners-up: Federal Disaster Relief 101. Students will build a decision support system using faith-based logic and a Ouija Board. Prerequisites include Getting Permission From the Mayor 101, Clearing Everything With the Lawyers 101, and Telling the FEMA Director to Turn on the %#@* Television 101. (Kevin Dopart, Washington; Steven J. Allen, Manassas)

{diam}First runner-up, the winner of the "prepared dry fish bone" food item: Anatomy 1 and 2, Posterior Survey: Through two semesters of intense classroom instruction and weekly labs, students will learn to locate their behinds using both hands. Textbook, flashlight and washable headbands required. (Phil Battey, Alexandria)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker: LANG 238: Ancient Voices. Who were the Ink Spots? Country Joe and the Fish? What does "nanu-nanu" mean? Intense immersion into the language and culture of 15 to 50 years ago will enable the student to understand and converse with older relatives and prospective employers. Prerequisite for all INTN (Internship) classes. (Douglas Frank, Crosby, Tex.)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

Mass Communications 330: The Future of Reality TV. Students will compete to participate in a reality TV show about competing to be on a reality TV show. (Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)

Mechanical Engineering 499: Intelligenter Design. Team project will recast the human body more sensibly, addressing ear hair, male nipples, the need to belch, things that flap when you run, lack of cup holders. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

Harvardese I: Recordings of George Plimpton, William F. Buckley and President Kennedy are used to develop speech and listening skills in an obscure northern dialect. Fulfills foreign-language requirement. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Anthropology 570: Genealogy of the

Daytime Serial. Documentation techniques will be utilized to trace the bloodlines in "All My Children" and "One Life to Live." Team-taught by Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Montgomery Montgomery Chandler Marick Marick Montgomery and Victoria Lord Riley Burke Riley Buchanan Buchanan Carpenter Davidson. (Deborah Guy, Columbus, Ohio)

Philosophy 000: Elementary Nihilism. Students learn the philosophy of total self-negation. Those who bother to attend classes will be failed. (Joseph Romm)

Academic Communications 191: An information delivery module designed to disseminate linguistic interaction experience to assist Carbon Based Life Forms (CBLFs) in transactionalizing with other CBLFs, without utilizing affirmative/pejorative value judgments. (John Crowley, Annandale)

CHEM 180: Household Chemical Reactions Lab. Students spend the semester in the home of the course instructor, testing various cleaning compounds on a variety of surfaces.

(Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Math 420: Numerical Methods & Queuing Theory. Students learn to quantitatively assess aggregated items, compare their magnitudes to an arbitrary constant, and enter an appropriate queuing schema accordingly. Final exam held in the "12 Items or Less" checkout line. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

American History 300: The Baby Boomers. Students will learn precisely why it is that their professor is so cool now, was so cool in his youth, and will ALWAYS be cool, and is therefore forever entitled to be self-indulgent and snotty. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Comp Sci 404: Magical Standing for Office IT Guys. Students learn how to stand behind people in such a manner that their computer suddenly works, even though it didn't work the last 10 times they did that exact thing. (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

Studio Art 327: Hotel Room Picture Painting. Curriculum covers techniques

in sunsets, crashing waves and various autumn things. Prerequisite to Crying Clowns I. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Early Childhood Education 001: Students will learn all they ever really needed to know. Prof. R. Fulghum. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)

Campus Activism: Practicum in which students earn credit through a real-life social project. This semester, the class will attempt to resolve egregiously discriminatory, arbitrary denials of tenure. Asst. Prof. Whistlebottom. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Literature 421: "Gilligan's Island" as a Metaphor for the Iraq War. What starts out as a three-hour tour turns into a trip to uncharted territory with no clear exit strategy. (Chuck Smith)

Humanities 414: Waiting Through History. Students will investigate the social and cultural impact on society of waiting, and will actually wait for Godot, Lefty, the Robert E. Lee, Guffman, the Sun, and God. Meeting time TBA. (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

Theatre Arts 243: Contemporary Barroom Dance. Students learn to stand and wiggle their butts while drinking beer from a long-neck bottle. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

BIO 101: Comparative Anatomy.

Curriculum includes determining whether eyes or stomachs are bigger and distinguishing rears from elbows. (Kevin Dopart)

American Literature 411: "For Dummies" Books, 2000-2005. In this survey course, students will skim brief excerpts from this genre, and submit short reports. (Tom Witte)

ANTH 100: Distinguishing Old People.

Undergraduate seminar dispels the popular notion that old people all look alike. Identifying characteristics will be underscored (e.g., gender). (Martin Bancroft, Ann Arbor, Mich.)

ENGL 615: Yoda I. To Yoda's grammatical structure you will be introduced. (Evan Golub, College Park)

Phys Ed 349: Disaster Response Gymnastics. Coaches teach students how to put their heads up their butts in preparation for government service. Prerequisite: Arabian Horse Judging 101. Required text: "My Pet Goat." (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

English Comp 121: Great American Text Messages Under 250 Characters. ezy cls ne1 cn tak. Several short papers. (Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

SRP 101: Basics of Sub-Aquatic Reed Plaiting. Introduction to the most maligned of college majors. (Russell Beland)

WORK 1601: McJob Practicum. Prerequisite for LIFE. Perform mindless, pointless and degrading tasks all day while taking guff from perfect strangers and feckless idiots. Try to find meaning and maintain your basic human dignity, especially after you get your first paycheck. Imagine doing this the rest of your life and suddenly finals week seems like Club Med. NOW are you ready to pick a major? (Douglas Frank)