Sex-Ed Panel's Makeup Is Challenged

Members' Messy Mascara 'Looks Like They Just Got Out of Bed,' Critics Charge

This week's contest: It's time again for one of the Empress's favorite pastimes, Making Losers Read The Washington Post. Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle (like the joke bank head under the actual Oct. 16 headline above), or the first sentence of the article that might appear under it. Please include the date and page number of the headline you're citing from the paper; for Web articles, give the date and copy a sentence or two of the story so it's clear what the original was about. Headlines in advertisements and subheads within an article can be used, too; photo captions cannot.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets, via Dave Zarrow of Herndon, a longtime Loser who bills himself as "America's Funniest Office Products Dealer" (motto: "We Eat Staples for Breakfast"), a genuine Pickle Putter, which is a real, full-size golf putter with a green pickle-shaped head on the side away from the ball. This is not just any old Pickle Putter, however. This is an exclusive club: It's from the Edward Lowe Industries Pickle Barrel Invitational, in Cape Girardeau, Mo. The late Mr. Lowe was the inventor of Kitty Litter, see. You don't see. Neither do we. But it's a fantabulous prize.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to, or, if you really have to, by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 7. Results will be published Nov. 27. Put "Week 634" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Entries are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Brendan Beary of Great Mills.

Report from Week 630, in which we asked you to make up a word that combines the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words appearing in that week's Invitational:

{diam}Third runner-up: Lusted x deadline = Lust-line: The imaginary visual horizon below which no man's eyes should stray when he's talking with a female co-worker. (B.J. Alexander, Minneapolis)

{diam}Second runner-up: Queuing x reality = Queu-ty: The blonde who's always allowed to cut into a line. (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

{diam}First runner-up, winner of the CD of Cuban-style Beatles songs, "Here Comes El Son": Ouija x any: Oui-ny: Un nerde. (Chris Doyle, Tokyo)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker: Currently x converse = Cur-verse: Doggerel. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

De-pective: In need of chest implants. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

Gram-stand: To brag excessively about one's grandchildren. (Pam Sweeney,


Ho-am: A competition for dilettante streetwalkers to vie with professional prostitutes for business. (Jeff Covel,


Pub-scriptions: The original over-the-counter medications. (Kyle

Hendrickson, Frederick)

Infor-less: Describing a convict who worked out a plea bargain. (Fred Dawson, Beltsville)

Affirma-bottom: What you'll have afta some more time on the StairMasta. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Carb-ule: The largest amount of

non-protein allowed on the Atkins diet. (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

Mech-ymous: A windup Disney

character. (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Contemp-teristics: Things I hate about you. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Lust-mit: What Jimmy Carter did in his Playboy interview confession. (Michelle Stupak)

Ho-job: A trade or profession in which one must degrade himself in exchange for money. Antonym: unemployment. (Phil Battey, Alexandria)

Posteri-mining: Searching for the lost thong. (Pam Sweeney)

Judg-lines: The eye makeup used by

certain Supreme Court nominees. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Appropri-nastics: Maneuvers used to tack a pork barrel amendment onto

unrelated legislation. (Pam Sweeney)

Annan-ymous: An unidentified U.N.

official in the Oil for Food scandal. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Theo-quatic: Baptist. (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Semi-bon: One-fourth of a bonbon. (Pam Sweeney)

Num-bottom: A long and boring meeting. "I've got an all-day num-bottom on process standardization." (Brendan Beary; Phil Battey)

Oui-ple: Yes-men. (Ted Weitzman, Olney)

Ro-lexandria: An upscale neighborhood adjacent to Old Town. (Chris Doyle, Tokyo)

Pseudo-raq: Implants. (Chris Doyle)

Ink-ville: Wherever Chris Doyle is

writing from this week. (Tom Witte)

Snot-tumn: Ragweed season. (Brendan Beary)

Dum-munications: e.g., "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." (Phyllis Reinhard)

Honor-assas, pl.: Down and out. (Charles Mann, Baileys Crossroads)

Lust-nets: Condoms. (Tom Witte)

Po-hinds: a Bayou delicacy that somehow has never become popular north of the Louisiana border.

(Peter Metrinko)

Ink-bands: Plain brown rubber bands

labeled "LoseStrong," instituted as Style Invitational prizes in the latest round of Washington Post cost-cutting measures. (Kyle Hendrickson)

Meta-dent: A dent in your dent. (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

Class-wood: The reason many a boy would rather take an F than go up to the blackboard to work an algebra problem. (Kyle Hendrickson)

Ten-dot: Braille code for a real hottie. (Peter Metrinko)

North-bottom: Disoriented. "No wonder we're lost, you idiot, you got the stupid map all north-bottom." (Russell Beland)

Discrimi-negation: The perfunctory

disclaimer "I'm not prejudiced, but . . ." that is invariably followed by an

appallingly racist remark. (Brendan Beary)

Pain-ulum: Stop calling it a speculum and say what it really is! (Michelle Stupak)

Hy-by: A greeting designed to get you past that boring guy at the office

without having to stop and chat. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Bat-pus: A caldron ingredient that's a handy substitute for newt-eye. (Tom


Mc-manity: A sea cow burger, already supersized. (Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

Nip-ship: A bra. (Tom Witte)

Pract-ished: What Lucy Ricardo did to prepare for the Vitameatavegamin

commercial. (Michelle Stupak)

Dead-livery: Alcoholism. (Ned Bent, Oak Hill)

Invitation-ure: Contents of the

Empress's wastebasket. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

McPerts: Mass-produced breast

implants. (Ted Weitzman)

her-MA: An in-law who's a disaster from Day One. (Steven J. Allen, Manassas)

Mc-Bottom: No all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, or sesame seeds. Just bun. (Mark

Eckenwiler, Washington)

Dum-assas, n, pl. People who use up a whole week they'll never get back trying to win items that other people paid good postage to give away. (Dan Seidman)

Intelli-vitational: Definitely some other contest. (Tom Witte)