Stir Five Months. Reheat. Serves Millions.

It's a good thing, egomaniac Martha Stewart feuding with egomaniac Donald Trump.

The Blow-Dry King has said that giving Stewart an "Apprentice" spinoff was a bad idea. Now the Comeback Queen counters that the ratings -- falling faster than a bad souffle -- have nothing to do with her and everything to do with too many apprentices in one season. In the upcoming issue of Fortune, she says she expected to replace the Donald, and thought she would tell him "You're fired!" on her first show this fall.

There's nothing we like better than a hissy fit between two shameless self-promoters, but why now? Well, November sweeps start tomorrow.

Don't count the ex-con out: After a year's absence, Stewart is back among Fortune's "50 Most Powerful Women in Business" at No. 21. Her famous Turkey Hill Farm in Connecticut is on the market for a reported $10 million, and she's collaborating with one of the country's biggest home builders, KB, on a line of new houses modeled after her three places in New York and Maine. And Stewart is working on yet another television project: a reality show with six hard-luck women who will renovate a broken-down, reportedly haunted house in Norwalk, Conn.

But, alas, no witch costume on Halloween -- Stewart opted for a "Jane" costume on her talk show Monday, which allowed her to show off that bracelet-free ankle.

The Eighty-Sixed Theses

Backers of Supreme Court nominee Sam Alito tout his 30-year paper trail as a judge and government lawyer -- lots for senators to work with deciding whether to confirm him. But our Post colleague Juliet Eilperin discovered a crucial missing piece in the Alito record: his undergraduate thesis.

Eilperin tasked Princeton University senior Alyson Zureick with tracking down the paper, a requirement for all graduating students. (Yeah, we know, we're glad we're not Supreme Court nominees either. . .) Alito's topic was Italy's Constitutional Court. But when Zureick went to the campus library . . . it was nowhere to be found! Proof of the right-wing conspiracy? Or the left-wing one? University archivist Daniel J. Linke said a mid-1980s survey found nearly 300 theses missing, "Alito's among them, unfortunately." The 55-year-old Alito graduated in 1972.

His thesis adviser, professor emeritus Walter Murphy, put out a statement praising his former student and whacking the president who hopes to put him on the nation's highest court: "I confess surprise that a man so dreadfully intellectually and morally challenged as George W. Bush would want a person as intellectually gifted, independent and morally principled as Sam Alito on the bench." Oh, those Princeton Tigers! Never a kind word about Yalies!

Of course we went to state schools, so we don't know from theses. Tell us what the big deal is: or today's live Web chat at noon.

Ding-Dong! What, Another Governor?

Now this is scary! Former Maryland governor Parris Glendening had a spooky Halloween near-miss in Annapolis. Trick-or-treating on Franklin Street with wife Jennifer and 3-year-old daughter Bri (dressed as a princess), the Democrat almost crossed paths with his Republican successor, Gov. Bob Ehrlich, out with a posse that included wife Kendel, 6-year-old Drew (a Blue Power Ranger), 19-month-old Joshua ("Sesame Street's" Elmo), his press secretary, several state troopers and a clutch of television cameras capturing the governor's sound bites on the need for parental supervision on Halloween. But our colleague Matt Mosk reports that the Ehrlichs turned down a side street without either crew realizing how terrifyingly close they had come.

HEY, ISN'T THAT . . . ?

Actress/sci-fi royalty Veronica Cartwright, lunching at the Guards in Georgetown and getting chatted up by a waiter who recognized her from "Alien" and "The X-Files." She was on break from filming "The Visiting" (starring She Whose Name We're Tired of Printing), loosely based on "Invasion of the Body Snatchers."

Two Mega-Smiles, Briefly Interrupted

Sick bay: Eunice Kennedy Shriver, 84, was hospitalized in Los Angeles on Saturday after suffering a minor stroke, according to a statement from the UCLA Medical Center, which anticipated a "short hospital stay." Shriver was in California last week to attend the annual conference on women and families hosted by daughter Maria Shriver and son-in-law Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger . . .

Whoa there! Channel 4 sports director George Michael got thrown by his horse on his Comus, Md., farm and broke three ribs Saturday. He'll be off the air until it no longer hurts to yell.