I'm tryin' to say I'm sorry, but you're makin' it hard to do.
I looked for you in Bremen -- Gdansk and Hamburg, too.
Breslau, Krakow, what's it matter anyhow? Why do ya make me roam?
I got the Hanseatic League fatigue, baby, when you coming home?
Sea urchin sushi
The Hanseatic League
The preservative sodium benzoate
The S&P 500
The Beijing Olympics
Fluorescent light bulbs
Tungsten, bismuth and/or molybdenum
The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act
"The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer"
Back in Week 628, where we asked you to compare any two items on a list we supplied, one entry from Brendan Beary of Great Mills posited that the difference between sea urchin sushi and $400 jeans was that you could probably write a country song about the jeans. This idea got no ink because its premise was obviously faulty. This Week's Contest: Write a verse of a song about sea urchin sushi or any of the other ostensibly unlyrical topics listed here. You may include more than one topic. The example above was written by the Esteemed Mr. B at our request.
Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives, by the grace of Loser Mary Ann Henningsen of Hayward, Calif., a genuine 1989 "Alf" calendar, complete with the lovable TV alien posing in pinups dressed as a gangster, football player, etc.
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org, or, if you really have to, by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 21. Results will be published Dec. 11. Put "Week 636" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Entries are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Tom Witte of Montgomery Village.
Report From Week 632
In which we asked for "backronyms" for companies or products:
4 Wow! Heroes Eat Anything To Indiscriminately Endorse Something (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)
3 Tiny Raincoat Over Johnson Avoids Natality (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)
2 The winner of the Internet Urinal plastic jug: Big Ugly Drunkards Will Enjoy Its Smoothness, Especially Regurgitating (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
1 And the Winner
of the Inker
Moshe, After Nipping Inebriating Syrup, Crudely Hollered, "Esther Weinstein Is Titillatingly Zaftig!" (Jonathan M. Guberman, Princeton, N.J.)
Help Us Morons Misuse Earth's Resources (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
Here's One Substance That Every Scientist Should Test: What Ingredients (Nonfood) Keep It Eternally Spongy? (Chris Doyle, Tokyo)
Dispatching Everybody's Luggage To Atlanta (Brendan Beary)
Simply Covers Odoriferous Piehole Exhalations (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
Get A Tub Overhead . . . Ready, Aim, Dump Everywhere! (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich)
Glop Enters Retching Baby, Exits Running (Cecil J. Clark, Asheville, N.C.)
Inter-Personal Obstruction Device (Daniel Horner, Washington)
Impending Pandemic Of Deafness (John C. Feltz, Fairbon, Ohio)
It's Paxil, Only Digital. (Kirk Zurell, Waterloo, Ontario)
How Often Men Experience Delirious Ecstasy Purchasing Obscure Tools! (Brendan Beary)
Xerox Exactly Reproduces Original Xeroxes. (Joe Neff, Oreland, Pa.)
Snot Usually Dries After Five Eventful Days (Marty McCullen)
Seattle Tycoon Accumulates Riches Because Upscale Consumers Keep Sipping. (Douglas Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
Come In And Look! I'm Stiff! (Chris Doyle)
Keep Resisting Insidiously Sweet Pastries -- Your Keister Registers Every Minuscule Expansion (Elwood Fitzner)
Fats Rendered Into Tidbits Of Sin (John Held, Fairfax)
Mad Cow Disease Or Not, Americans Love Dietary Suicide (Elwood Fitzner; Chris Doyle)
Congressional Speeches Producing American Narcolepsy (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
Pathetic Rug? Obvious Pomade? Extreme Combover? I'm Available! (Chris Doyle)
Insurance Necessary Or Vacate Area (Jeff Covel, Arlington)
Men Expediently Take A Manure Using Chalky, Icky Liquid (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)
Yucky Organisms, Plainly Living, Are In There. (Brian Barrett, New York)
Vigor In Aging Genitalia Requires Assistance (Dave Kelsey, Fairfax)
Manly Refreshment Produces Ideal Booming Belches (Brendan Beary)
Crates Of Stuff To Cart Out (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)
Meet And Talk. Catch Herpes. Call Other Match. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
Great Organizer Of God's Little Earth (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)
Usage Triggers Zits (Roy Ashley, Washington)
One Reaches, Eats; One . . . (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
Almost Last: Weaselly Anonymous Sources Help Inform Newspaper Given To Overtly Noxious Positions On Subversive Topics -- R. Nixon, Hades (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
And Really Last: We Always Share Horrible, Insensitive News, Gladly Taking Our Nice Profit Off Someone's Troubles. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Next Week: Your Secret Here, or The Battle of Divulge