A Prosecutor Who Wins on Appeal

Patrick Fitzgerald -- not just a heartthrob for wonky D.C., it turns out, but a heartthrob for all humanity!

There's the Very Special Prosecutor himself in the pages of People magazine's newly released "Sexiest Man Alive!" issue. He's apparently not the sexiest man alive (that honor goes to coverboy Matthew McConaughey -- whatever). But under the heading of "Smart Guys" he's treated to a big color photo and the editors' crazy "subpoena"/mash note calling him to "testify to your incorruptible appeal." Those eyelash-batting People hussies add that "compliance . . . will be deemed satisfactory when somebody cooks you a meal -- and bottles your political intelligence."

A good excuse to chat up Fitzgerald's Chicago staff again, don't you think? Spokesman Randy Samborn returned our call. "When does this come out on the newsstand?" he asked. Ooh, maybe we're getting somewhere this time! So we ask: Any comment from the special prosecutor?


Uh, how about from his staff? What do you think -- should he have been on the cover? "No comment. I appreciate your call."

What if we said Bob Woodward was inquiring? "I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun with this," Samborn said politely. "I have a lot of other calls to return."

Ted Koppel: The Investigative Report

After a guy's crept into your home at 11:30 every weeknight for 26 years and expounded upon world affairs to you, you kind of think you know him, don't you?

And yet it suddenly occurred to us, now that he's wrapping up his career with "Nightline," that we don't really know Ted Koppel. Not like we should after all those nights together. So we went to ABC News's reception for Koppel at the Kennedy Center last night, determined to get his friends, colleagues and shell-shocked former interview subjects to tell us Things You Probably Don't Know About Ted. Once we steered them away from Washington journalism's other Topic A (Bob Woodward RSVP'd, but where is he?) here's what they told us:

Dan Rather: "You may not know, Ted is an excellent stock picker. I remember in '90, or '91, Ted already owned quite a bit of Microsoft."

Rick Kaplan, former "Nightline" producer and MSNBC president: "He can get nervous. During the first big interview with Bishop [Desmond] Tutu, we admitted we both felt like throwing up."

Jeff Greenfield: "Ted's a complete moron on baseball and rock-and-roll."

David Westin, ABC News president: "He loves to sing in public. He does a version of 'My Heart Belongs to Daddy,' but he changes the words to fit the occasion."

Barbara Walters: "You know, he does one of the best Henry Kissinger impressions ever."

Sam Donaldson: "He also does a good Barbara Walters."

Bush's Awkward Segway

President Bush surprised Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi by giving him a Segway yesterday during his visit to Kyoto. The president, who fell off one of the electric scooters two years ago in Kennebunkport, rode "Scooter 1" to meet the Japanese leader outside the State Guest House and urged him to jump on. "Oh, very good," said Koizumi, who coasted about three feet.

If that weren't enough free publicity, Bush told Koizumi he gave Segways to his mother and father for their birthdays. (Scooter-races down the White House halls! Kind of reminds us of those carefree Clinton days, when there was tray-surfing in the Air Force One aisle.) But where will Koizumi ride? Segways are illegal on Japan's public streets.

HEY, ISN'T THAT . . . ?

* Karl Rove, Andrew Card and Harriet Miers Tuesday afternoon in the Town & Country bar at the Mayflower Hotel, where four Texas colleges were making their case to house the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum. The trio is expected to weigh in on the final choice.

* Comedian Bob Saget, swarmed by college fans at McFadden's Saloon late Tuesday night after his performance at George Washington University.

* Nicole Kidman, in gray slacks and a gray sweater, striding purposefully toward a movie camera on K Street near the Whitehurst, on her very last day of D.C. filming for "The Visiting." We'll miss ya, Nic!


Eunice Kennedy Shriver is out of the hospital after a minor stroke. Her son Santa Monica City Councilman Bobby Shriver said the Special Olympics co-founder, 84, is resting and recuperating at the home of her daughter, California first lady Maria Shriver, and "making all her usual calls to the Hill."