Both sides vulnerable


{spade} 5

{heart} 8 6 4 3

{diam} A K Q 10 7 4 3

{club} 5


{spade} K 10 8 6 2

{heart} K Q 9 7

{diam} 9

{club} K 9 3


{spade} Q J 7 4

{heart} 10

{diam} J 6 5

{club} Q 10 8 7 4


{spade} A 9 3

{heart} A J 5 2

{diam} 8 2

{club} A J 6 2

The bidding: South WestNorthEast1 {club} 1 {spade} 2 {diam} 3 {spade}PassPass4 {diam} Pass4 {heart} All Pass Opening lead: {spade} 6

Iwas in the club lounge when a ruckus erupted in the penny Chicago game. A kibitzer came in, shaking his head.

"That Grapefruit reminds me of the nun who belonged to an order with a vow of silence," he said, sighing. "She had permission to speak two words every 10 years. Her first two were 'hard bed,' and the Mother Superior was sympathetic. Ten years later, the nun said 'cold food,' and Mother sighed and promised to improve the cuisine. Ten years passed, and the nun spoke again: 'I quit.'

" 'I don't wonder,' growled the Mother Superior. 'All you've done since you've been here is gripe.' "

Grapefruit, our acid-tongued member, was today's North and was anything but silent after South took the ace of spades and led a low trump. South planned to cash the ace later and then run the diamonds, losing two trumps but nothing else.

East won and led another spade. When South ruffed in dummy and led a second trump, East showed out, and the hand collapsed.

South took the ace, ruffed his last spade in dummy and started the diamonds, but West ruffed the second diamond. South went down three, and Grapefruit snarled that if South were an elevator operator, he couldn't remember his route.

Since South had no side-suit losers, he could afford to lose three trumps.

At Trick Two, South must cash the ace but then abandon trumps forever. He starts the diamonds, and West gets only his three trumps.

It'd be nice if Grapefruit took a vow of silence, but we're not optimistic.

(c)2005, Tribune Media Services