The Reliable Source Snip & Save Thanksgiving Talking Points
You've traveled hours and hours to be home for Thanksgiving so you could sit around and bond with your neocon father-in-law, Botoxed sister, bleeding heart cousin, slutty teenage niece and good ol' mom. Since you live in Washington, you're the de facto insider on everything that happens here. In the spirit of sharing, we're distributing talking points so you can impress everyone at the table.
* "Libby's lawyers will challenge limited interrogations and seek disclosure about Woodward's interactions with the West Wing, but I don't think the appellate court will buy it."
* "I should've brought Scooter's book for you. It's really dirty."
* "My yoga instructor's roommate's sister says Patrick Fitzgerald's a great kisser!"
* "Keith Urban? Oh sure, I recognized him the second they walked into 1789 . . ."
* "I thought she could've been nicer to the extras on the set."
* "She's really not that tall."
* "Yes, but Alito wrote that memo 20 years ago, and he's since reasserted his commitment to stare decisis."
* "Mom, didn't you used to have a blue suit like Harriet Miers'?"
* "Lots of people think the chief justice wears tinted contacts."
* "Told Killa Cam he shouldn't flash the Lamborghini that weekend."
* "We wanted to see Jadakiss's show, but all the playas were going to Diddy's joint."
* "The Reliable Source's beef with Ludacris is getting real ugly."
* "Oh, everyone knows Soros's bid was a non-starter, even if $450 mil is chump change to him."
* "Yeah, I was just telling Jim Bunning what a jerk Bud Selig is."
* "You know, he begged, so I gave George Will my seats."
* "You know, her boyfriend Henry's the son of the former lieutenant governor of Virginia. . ."
* "No, Smith Point is so over. Town Hall's the place now."
* "Yeah, she tried to bum a Newport off me . . ."
BABY PANDA (if all else fails)
* "Aw, that Butterstick loves me. He barked when I picked him up."
And Hey -- She Could Phone In Her Lines!
The Washington area produced another unlikely heartthrob this week -- this time on the wrong side of the law. (Sorry, Fitz!)
"The cell phone bank robber is totally smokin' hot!" a single male who asked not to be identified wrote to us hours after Candice Martinez was arrested in connection with the Wachovia holdups.
Bad news, pal: She's got a boyfriend. (Then again: He's probably going to prison! Alas: She probably is, too.)
That would be the end of the story, except our correspondent started rhapsodizing about cinematic "hottie-thieves" like Faye Dunaway in "Bonnie and Clyde" and Catherine Zeta-Jones in "Entrapment." Which raised the obvious question . . .
J-Lo.'s too old, Alyssa Milano's getting there, and Rosie Perez? Please! Eva Mendes, maybe. We're looking for a death match between Jessica Alba's agent and Rosario Dawson's.
When Stars Collide: Brangelina and the DouglaZetas Converge
Okay, now they're so not a not-a-couple!
On Friday night, as Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones dined in a back room of Georgetown's Cafe Milano, who should walk in but Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. When told the DouglaZetas were there holding court (with a jet-set crowd that included the Kuwaiti ambassador and Swiss Italian playboy Jean Pigozzi, whose African art collection just came to the Smithsonian), the "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" co-stars made a beeline for the back and visited for 20 minutes. Then Pitt and Jolie (she in town to lobby for AIDS funding, he doing . . . uh, something similarly political-feel-goodish) returned to their table up front. Our restaurant sources, who detailed for us the wild rockfish filet and wrapped veal tenderloin enjoyed by the DouglaZetas (just made that up -- you like?), were apparently so dazed by the charismatic convergence they could report only that Brad and Angelina ordered something off the regular menu.
For those of you inured to the growing number of Brangelina sightings (Grocery shopping in L.A.! Motorcycling in Edmonton!), we'll spell it out: As fine as Milano's food may be, it's more famously a place to be seen, one's mere appearance equivalent to a press release (Look who I'm with!). That they also schmoozed with showbiz peers implies a public gesture seeking societal acceptance for a relationship that shocked many when it erupted so soon after Pitt's breakup with Jennifer Aniston . . .
Did no one have a cell phone camera around?
Send sightings or snapshots to firstname.lastname@example.org. Love letters, hate notes and other feedback also welcome.