Steve Guttenberg in a remake of "The Poseidon Adventure"? Treacly Christmas flick "Snow Wonder" laced with cast members from Jerry Bruckheimer gore-fest dramas? An infomercial for the new Johnny Cash bio-flick posing as a music special? You guys call this a sweep?
Here's a look at the week's palatable and un:
"Criminal Minds." More than 14 million tuned in to make this last week's most watched new series -- in spite of its tough time period opposite ABC ratings magnet "Lost."
"60 Minutes." CBS's newsmag logged its biggest crowd of the season to date (more than 18 million viewers) with reports on illegal Internet gambling, the rebuilding in New Orleans and rock band U2 -- and a nearly one-hour NFL overrun. "60 Minutes" following NFL overrun is averaging about 16 million viewers this season; "60 Minutes" sans NFL overrun -- about 12 million.
"Close to Home." CBS has picked up the back nine episodes on its Bruckheimer crime-in-the-burbs drama and has "permanently" moved it to Friday night, where it's averaging nearly 12 million viewers -- vs. 8 million for "Threshold" in the same, post-"Ghost Whisperer" time slot.
"Biggest Loser." NBC's weight-loss competition regularly wins its time slot among 18-to-34-year-olds. The network has picked it up for another season of fat-shedding.
Eddie Guerrero. WWE's 38-year-old smackdowner was found dead in a hotel room on Sunday, Nov. 13. The next night a Very Special "WWE Monday Night Raw," featuring wrestlers in his signature "I'm Your Papi" T-shirts crying like girls as they shared memories of him, climbed to nearly 6 million viewers -- its biggest audience since returning to USA Network in October. Four nights later, WWE wept over him again on "Smackdown!," logging UPN's biggest Friday audience ever -- nearly 5 million.
"I Walk the Line: A Night for Johnny Cash." CBS averages about 7.5 million viewers Wednesdays at 8 with sad-sack sitcoms "Still Standing" and "Yes, Dear." But when it ditches that lineup to air a thinly disguised promotional vehicle for the new Johnny Cash movie "Walk the Line" opening that weekend, nearly 13 million of you sit glued to the one-hour infomercial parading as a music special.
Cannibal music trophy shows. Maybe because they aired on the very same night, CBS's Country Music Association Awards scored their worst numbers ever among 18-to-49-year-olds and their smallest overall crowd (17.7 million) in three years, and UPN's Vibe Awards plunged from last year's 5.2 million viewers to 4.5 million.
"Poseidon Adventure." Remember when a Robert Halmi project would snag 30-million-some viewers on NBC with projects like "Gulliver's Travels" and "Merlin"? On Sunday his "Poseidon Adventure" remake mustered 9.6 million; NBC averages 9.8 million that night this season.
The week's 10 most watched shows, in order, were: CBS's "CSI"; ABC's "Desperate Housewives" and "Lost"; CBS's "Without a Trace"; ABC's "Grey's Anatomy"; CBS's "CSI: Miami" and "Survivor: Guatemala"; ABC's "Monday Night Football"; and CBS's "60 Minutes" and CMA Awards.