CBS will win the November ratings sweep, which wraps tonight, by about 3 million viewers because the other broadcast networks barely put up a fight, though they did cancel a lot of shows last week.
Here's a look at last week's gravy and turkeys:
"Silver Bells." Treacly CBS holiday flick starring former Ellen DeGeneres partner Anne Heche as widow who takes in runaway teenager and then gets tangled with his Christmas-tree-dealer father -- ho, ick, ho -- copped more than 16 million viewers, which, although underwhelming, still makes it the most watched movie this season.
"A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving." Yet another reason to cancel "Alias": One week after the chick actioner logged 6.6 million for ABC on Thursday at 8 p.m., this aged animated classic, competing against the strongest "Survivor" episode of the season, snared nearly 9 million viewers in the same slot -- about 1 million more than it bagged last year.
"Medium." Exhuming Rod Serling to introduce an episode that featured 3-D bits -- which looked really lousy if you didn't have the glasses -- helped the show to its biggest audience this season -- 13.4 million viewers, compared with the previous week's 12.5 million.
"Survivor: Guatemala." Thanks to "exciting" Dallas-Denver football game overrun, "Survivor" enjoyed its most watched episode of the season on Thanksgiving night. Bet CBS now wishes it had not "specialed out" the episode.
"Close to Home." In its second week on Friday following Jennifer Love Hewitt chatting with dead folks, Jerry Bruckheimer's crime-in-the-burbs drama posted its biggest audience so far -- just under 12 million viewers.
"Law & Order: SVU." Largest audience since May '04, with Annie Potts and Judith Light guest starring.
"Desperate Housewives." The most watched show of the week for the first time this season -- not because skanky pharmacist George met his maker, though that was fun -- but because Thanksgiving falls on "CSI's" Thursday instead of "DH's" Sunday.
"Three Wishes." NBC boosted its episode order, then reversed itself and cut back on this heartwarming reality series.
"Hot Properties." Stone cold and canceled by ABC.
"Killer Instinct." Killed by Fox after struggling Fridays at 9; in its last broadcast, it attracted only 3 million.
"Threshold." Yanked by CBS after being moved to Tuesday, where last week it suffered its smallest audience yet.
"Reunion." "St. Elmo's Fire" murder series scrubbed by WB.
"American Music Awards." Yes, it gave ABC its best non-sports Tuesday in two years among teens and young adults, but 11.7 million viewers is the trophy show's smallest audience ever. ABC bumped it off of Sunday night because there's no way ABC is going to take "Desperate Housewives" and "Grey's Anatomy" off its Sunday lineup for a trophy show. Except the Oscars.
Country Music Stars. On Wednesday, "Kenny Chesney: Somewhere in the Sun" clocked the same number of viewers as ABC does anyway in that hour with "George Lopez" and "Freddie." Immediately after that on NBC, Faith Hill logged fewer than 7 million viewers -- a far cry from the more than 11 million she amassed for NBC in November '03 when she was still a blonde.
The week's 10 most watched programs, in order, were: ABC's "Desperate Housewives"; CBS's "CSI"; ABC's "Grey's Anatomy"; CBS's "Survivor: Guatemala," "Without a Trace," "Cold Case" and "CSI: Miami"; ABC's "Lost"; NBC's "Law & Order: SVU"; and CBS's "NCIS."