How do I get over the perfect relationship?
Six months ago, I met this amazing girl and we connected on every level. We had two months of complete bliss.
But then her old boyfriend wanted her back, and she went.
The guy is such a bore and a loser! They seem completely mismatched, and she apparently isn't happy enough with him to stop sleeping with me once in a while.
(I know it's wrong, we're trying to be friends, but it is so hard to control ourselves.)
I've tried to persuade her to come back to me, but she claims she doesn't see herself having a long-term relationship with me.
She's afraid that I'll leave her someday because I'm on my way to earning a degree, but the other guy is guaranteed to stay because he has nowhere else to go.
She simply won't believe me when I say I won't leave.
I don't understand. What am I supposed to do when the perfect girl dumps me for such a nutty reason?
Is running as fast as you can in the opposite direction an option?
We are defined in part by the company we keep. If you are with someone who says, "I don't have a future with you because you're not enough of a loser," then your answer should be, "You know what? You're right!"
If this girl is your idea of "perfection," then you need to undergo a serious taste realignment. I only wish that I could send you to a relationship chiropractor for just this purpose.
The longer you agree to have sex with this girl on her schedule, the more she drags you down to her level, rather than the other way around.
I am a 27-year-old woman who was, until recently, in a relationship with "Steve."
Our relationship didn't go much further than a good-night kiss, but I respected him all the same. We both enjoyed being in each other's company, and I loved him passionately. However, he has recently left me for a man.
Amy, I am confused and I confronted him. I asked him if he was bisexual and he said he didn't believe in bisexuality, and had been "toying" with the idea of whether he was gay for the past few years, having recently decided that he was. He admitted that if he had known he was gay, he never would have gone out with me in the first place, but he hopes to keep our friendship.
Amy, what can I do? I can't just let this go. I still have feelings for this man. I really thought he was "the one." This new discovery has really hurt me, and I am sad that he did not relay his confusion about his own sexuality with me.
Amy, I have tried looking into other men, but I keep thinking about Steve! What can I do?
Hopeless in Maryland
I have a news flash for you. There are times when you can't do a darn thing. Steve's sexuality doesn't have anything to do with you, and though it might have been easier on you if this relationship hadn't dragged on for a year, it sounds as though he has done his best to be honest. He tried to have a relationship with you and it didn't work out.
The next time you're with a fabulous guy for a good length of time, who clearly isn't interested in you sexually, you should ask him if a sexual relationship is in the cards. A year's worth of good-night kisses might have been your first clue that you weren't sexually compatible.
Now it's time to pull out the scented candles, Joni Mitchell recordings and "Sleepless in Seattle." Wallow for a while and then accept the fact that this guy wasn't "the one."
Write to Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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