You're racing to your door because you aren't sure what time you told her, 6 or 7 or what, and you let slip what a great cook you are (you once poured wine in your Campbell's) and you'd better impress her because she works and you don't and househusband wouldn't be such a bad deal after all.

And so you finally find the right key after dropping the groceries in the hall. You fire over to the fridge and see what's there and, yes! there's a can of that crab meat you couldn't resist buying (it was tucked in there next to the Bumble Bee and Charley the Tuna), ready for the opening.

Open the can quickly. Toss the crab into a bowl and mix it with black pepper and a dash of Tabasco (because that's about all the spices you have) and mix and mix and then put it in the fridge. Don't get weak and put any mayonnaise in it.

Clean the apartment, tossing all the papers and garbage under the sofa and the bed and anywhere else that she's not likely to look right away. Put the flowers in a vase and put that on the table along with some plates, knives, forks and cloth napkins. Show some class. Use matching wine glasses.

Take a shower.

Get dressed. Look sharp and loose at the same time, as in "Hey, I'm a great-looking guy, but cool enough to keep casual in my own place."

Then wait.

Imagine what the evening will be like. The secret to it all is that you will make your crab meat omelet in front of her, practically from start to finish, and she will be so impressed with you that you just might end up spending the rest of your days waking up at 11, playing a little ball and making dinner. A crab meat omelet might do it for you. GO FOR THE MARBLES OMELET (2 servings) Butter for the pan 1 onion, diced 5 eggs, beaten 6 1/2-ounce can crab meat Black pepper and hot pepper sauce to taste

In a skillet, saute' onion in butter until just softened. While onion is saute'ing, place crab meat in a bowl and pick over to remove cartilage. Season to taste with the black pepper and hot pepper sauce. Add a little more butter to the skillet and add beaten eggs. Once the eggs begin to set, add crab meat on one side of center and fold the eggs over to enclose the meat. Cook until golden. For God's sake, don't put any parsley on the finished product. Parsley is a waste.

Serve with a good cold white wine and a loaf of french bread.

And hope for the best.