The Bureaucratic Zoo by James H. Boren, EPM Publications. $6.95 at bookstores.

"When in charge, ponder," says James H. Boren.

It took weeks to decide what to make of James H. Boren's mere slip of a book, The Bureaucratic Zoo. ("When in doubt, mumble." - JHB)

You see, not only is some of it incomprehensible, one gets the queasy feeling that it is meant to be incomprehensible. ("Bureaucrats are the only people in the world who can say absolutely nothing and mean it." - JHB)

With all the footnotes and complex sentences and six-syllable words in the text, one begins to just look at the pictures and read the captions. And then one gets the queasy feeling that one is meant to just look at the pictures and read the captions. ("If you are going to be a phoney, be sincere about it." - JHB)

But nobody wants to admit that he is just looking at the pictures and reading the captions. ("You can always tell the difference between a professional bureaucrat and a beginning bureaucrat. The professional never snores." - JHB)

After a while one begins to wonder whether he is laughing at the book or the book is laughing at him. ("Successful bureaucrats are poor lip kissers." - JHB)

What's James Boren's Social Security number anyway?