It's not all discos and embassy parties for Washington bachelors. In several months of interviews, Capitol Hill lawyer and free lance writer Jessica Josephson talked with dozens of single me about women and relationships. In their private moments, many bachelors spoke of the effect the 1970s - partcularly the women's movement - has wrought on a world once ruled by boys with "little blck books" and long leers.

Richard Ridley, 36, city architect and urban planner.

"I was scared of intimacy. But I'm developing out of it. What's important is understanding that there is someone else who has as strong a creative drive as I do and really respect it, and not feel competitive about it as I did in the past . . . I'd never grown up with a sense of being self-sufficient. At college I had roommates. When I was 21 I got married and had a wife to take care of me. It wasn't until 31, and my divorce, that I was completely alone. I was from the old culture; a man was allowed to sow his wild oats. Even after my divorce I had no strong ties in my relationship with women . . . I'm still protective, defensive, still afraid of being vulnerable because there is no inherent internal security in relationships for either sex. Men are equally as dependent on women; we're trapped, too."

Miron Kojian, 39, concertmaster, National Symphony.

"Right now, I like the idea of having many lovers. Temptation is part of human nature, and I'm have many lovers - it's very exciting. It's like playing a piece of Charles Ives, and orgy of sound.

"We all should love ourselves first. I would need a person who I relate to the way I relate to myself . . . Stopping a beautiful relationship is an act I cannot forgive. Making love only makes a relationship better. If a woman doesn't want to make love at the appropriate moment - and it can be at any time - I consider her a common person, she's rude."

Rick Neustadt, 29, White House Domestic Council staffer.

"If I'm not in a relatiopnship, I get frustrated at the vacuousness of the dating scene and wish that I knew there was someone to come home to. But the times I've been in a relationship there's always been a part of me that yearned for the excitment of new people. I'm always thrilled when I meet an interesting and sexy new woman.

"I can see only two ways out of the conflict: find someone so exciting that I woudn't mind giving up my freedom, or do the open marriage bit which I'm skeptical about because I think we're all more vulnerable than we're willing to admit, even in this liberated era which puts such a high premium on being "strong" and invulnerable. Our ability to give emotionally and to take rejection is much more limited than we are willing to admit."

Linc Bouve, 39, plays old records at bars anbd parties.

"I really dislike male exchanges which are based on keeping some kind of edge over women, especially where men describe their conquests. That kind of interaction tends to point up the impotency and homosexual tendencies of all male groups . . . I've had several successful relationships since my divorces. I think people should live together, but I see no reason to get married unless there are children involved."

Henry Tenenbaum, 31, television feature reporter.

"I find I learn a lot from a long-term, serious relationship. I once went out with someone for a very long time. The most important thing I got from that experience was a sense of feminist consciousness, and I'm really thankful for that; I perceive women in a much different way now.

"Women are much neater now than they used to be. They are enthusiastic, they fight back and argue, the old models don't play as important a role anymore . . . Everybody has gotten more flexible in their ability to adjust to ideas, other people. I'm very romantic, I can think of no nicer feeling than falling in love - just to be able to open up and feel terribly good about someone, touching someone out of felling, not need. But I don't think for me marriage is such a good idea. No one can think of really good rationales for getting married. Except my mother."

Robert Krueger, 42, Texas congressman.

"There are very few good marriages of public officials, both now and historically. I think in part that's because leaving them free. People masters.

"Loving someone is liaving them free. People are very fond of my mother because she doesn't try and possess them. It's like the Blake poem about the butterfly.

"Every person wants to be known for what he or she really is . . . I didn't come to Washington to lose who I am, I didn't want to lose my identity to please other people. And I would expect a woman I respected and loved would feel the same way."

James Davidson, 30, founder, National Taxpayers Union.

"I think most people are as close to totally irresponsible as they can get, and this takes a terrible toll on any human relationship. People blame one another in relationships for their own shortcomings. I don't believe in assuming more than the requisite amount of responsibility in a relationship - it should be a matter of agreement.

"Washington social life is pernicious in that a lot of capable people come here with the expectation of succeeding and excelling at their professions, and they turn into social pushers and climbers. They're seduced by the system. And they come to take themselves seriously.

"I would eventually like to be married and have children, but not in the present. And I do realize that statistics show a very small percentage of adult males who are not homosexuals have not been married at my age."

Norman Tamarkin, 39, psychiatrist.

"I don't think there's a 'one and only.' There are many ways of loving. I believe in the concept of love as such . . . but it can be many different kinds of relationships among different kinds of people. It has to do with the maturity of the individuals involved.

"People are now realizing there are many ways of living in the world, and what's important is living a decent human existence, paying attention to who you are involved with and what's important to them. Our humanity is defined by our relationships with other people."