Three Cheers and a Bucket of Tears -- Goodbye to Postiano, done in by its first year's phenomenal success. Owners Luigi and Angela Traettino found the press of success interfering too greatly with family life and involving more headaches than they had heads to bear them. Closing is imminent -- before the end of Feruary, of they haven't already thrown up their hands and locked their doors.

If It's Noon, This Must Be Dnish -- People in Alexandria can set their watches and their schedules by the Olde Town Confectonary, which lists on a board outside its bakery the times its various pastries, breads, cookies and Danish will be out of the oven. You can plan to arrive when the chocolate chip cookies are fresh and hot, or plan your brunck around the just-emerging cheese danish. And, to reassure you of the bakery's drive for accuracy, once in a while you can see somebody hurriedly rubbing out part of a sign to add a few minutes to the estimate, just like the airlines.

Make Your One for the Road Coffee Cake -- Don't look for real homemade rum cake in those Montgomery County's restaurants that have only a wine and beer license. The county does not allow a single bottle of rum on the primises, so the restaurant must either use rum flavoring, sell cake made elsewhere or try to get a liquor license for the sake of the pastry tray. The same goes, of course, for cognac in the sauces, kirsch in the tortes and whatever is used to flame the steak Diane.

Some People Insist on Putting Garlic in Everything -- Two diners at Phineas IIeagerly anticipated an icecream -and-booze milkshake called the Phineas for dessert. They didn't anticipate a brand new bartender who confused the Caesar salad dressing container with the chocolate ice cream container in mixing the brandy-Kahlua-cream concoction. Manager Kathy Coyle still criges at the memory, but figures that it could have been worse if the chocolate ice cream had would up in the Caesar salad.