This may be the most boring summer yet. Gas will be high; money will be low. The demise of the me-decade days has left us themeless for the first heat of the '80s. So here's a batch of some of the best day and weekend activities to bring you the greatest fun on the fewest funds. Make the most of the summer-to-be . . . and have a superlative time. CLEANEST Bathtub Race rub a dub dub, they're motorized, paddled and pedaled tubs, Sept. 14. Point Lookout State Park, Lake Conroy, Scotland, Md. (301) 872-5688. COOLEST Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream The upcoming flavor-of-the-month refreshers: "Can't Stop the Nuts" in May; "Pecan Caramel Fudge" in June; "Rum Cherry Trifle" in July; "Caramel Macaroon" in August. Available at all local stores. Blackwater Falls After the horseback riding, the hiking, the nature gazing, go jump in the lake. Blackwater Falls State Park, near Davis, W. Va. For information, call (800) 624-8632 (out of state) and (800) 642-9058 (in West Virginia). Franciscan Monastery Cool off in the catacombs and then consider the 44 acres above. 1400 Quincy St. NE. 526-6800. Ice Skating Yes, even in the heat of the summer. For information about classes and public sessions, contact Mt. Vernon Ice Rink, 2017 Belle View Blvd., Alexandria. 768-3223. CRABBIEST Maryland Blue Crabbing The crabs are blue, but you won't be when you learn how to catch, cook and eat them. For information on how to become a happy crabber, call Ray Dintaman, the blue crab specialist at Maryland's Department of (Natural Resources at (301) 269-3365. Or send for the department's blue crab fact sheets and brochures. Write: Department of Natural Resources, Tidewater Administration, 580 Taylor Ave., Annapolis, Md. 21401. If you don't have luck catching your own, check out the J. Millard Tawes Crab and Clam Bake, an all-you-can-eat seafood festival in Crisfield, Md., July 16. Call Fritz Gerald, (301) 968-1500. MOST DARING Alpine Slide Ski Liberty's summertime tobogan. Fairfield, Pa. (717) 642-8282. Savage River International Whitewater Race Top-rank paddlers conquer the mean and narrow Savage River. August 16-17. Bloomington, Md. Call: Garrett County Promotion Council, (301) 334-3888. FASTEST Preakness The second jewel of the Triple Crown. Gates open 9 a.m., May 17. For infield tickets, send $5 to Preakness Reservations, Pimlico Race Course, Baltimore, Md. 21215. (301) 542-9400. Or purchase them at the gate. SLOWEST Thomas Pasker Turtlement Slow and steady wins this race. To prove it, bring your own turtle on June 1 to Cavalier Days, Calvert County Fair Grounds, Prince Frederick, Md. For information, call Ed Gates at 855-6726. FEMINIST Suffragist Lawn Party The time is 1904, the place is Clara Barton's, and the issue is women's right to vote. May 11, 2 p.m.-4 p.m., Clara Barton National Historic Site, 5801 Oxford Rd., Glen Echo, Md. 492-6245. MOST FESTIVE Baltimore Ethnic Festivals Rediscover your roots. Weekends from May 31 to October 4 in downtown Baltimore. Call: Baltimore Office of Promotion and Tourism (301) 752-8632. Bastille Day Celebration Eat, drink and be merry in this celebration of "liberte, egalite et fraternite." July 14. Maryland Inn, Church Circle, Annapolis, Md. (301) 263-2641. C & O Canal Boat Festival Arts & crafts along the original stone lock. August 23-24. Cumberland, Md. (301) 724-7992. Delmarva Chicken Festival Pick of the chicks. June 6, 7. Milford High School, Milford, Del. Call or write: Milford Chamber of Commerce, P.O. Box K, Milford, Del. 19963. (302) 422-3301. Kutztown Folk Festival A super sampling of Pennsylvania Dutch delicacies. June 28-July 5. Kutztown, Pa. Call (215) 566-2020. Mountain Heritage Arts & Crafts Festival Apple-butter making and Appalachian folk music at Harpers Ferry's finest. June 13, 14, 15. Call or write: Jefferson County Chamber of Commerce, P.O. Box 430, Charles Town, W. Va. 25414. (304) 725-5514. Scottish Games A Highland fling, July 26-27. Episcopal High School, 3900 W. Braddock Rd., Alexandria. 549-0205. Strawberry Festival A strawberry jam.May 28-June 1. Buckhannon, W. Va. Call: (304) 292-7121. Virginia Shakespeare Festival Fulfill your midsummer night's dream and see "As You Like It, "Merchant of Venice" and "A Commedy of Errors." July 10-Aug. 17. College of William and Mary, Williamsburg, Va. For ticket information, call or write: Ross Weeks, P.O. Box 1775, Williamsburg, Va. 23185 (804) 253-4600 or (804) 253-4272. FISHIEST Celebrity Fishing Tournament Can NFL football players fish? Let's watch them tackle it. June 22-26. Ocean City, Md. Call: (301) 289-8221. National Fishery Center There are many fish not in the sea, and here's where some are matched and hatched. Route 3, Leetown, W. Va. (304) 422-3301. Trout Cooking Contest You don't have to catch them, but you do have to cook them. The taste-test contest is part of the World Championship Weakfish Tournament (where you do have to catch them). Cooking contest: May 9. Fishing tournament: May 6, 8, 10. For information and applications, contact the Greater Milford Chamber of Commerce, P.O. Box 5, Milford, Del. 19963. (302) 422-3301. FOOT STOMPIN'EST Bluegrass Unlimited Magazine For all foot stompin' fanatics, a listing of over 500 bluegrass happenings in the United States this summer. Send $1.25 for the April issue of Bluegrass Unlimited, Box 111, Broad Run,Va. 22014. Ed Allen's Bluegrass Frog Hoppin' Hoedown Not just the frogs will be jumpin' May 16-18. Frog Hopping Contest: May 18 (world record jump wins $1,200). Ed Allen's Campground No. 1, Lanexa, Va. (804) 966-2582. Indian Springs Bluegrass Festival Jive with the Osborne Brothers, Doyle Lawson and Quicksilver, the Lewis Family, Larry Sparks, Bill Harrell, East Virginia and others. May 30-June 1. KOA Campgrounds, Indian Springs, Va. (703) 361-8992. Old Fiddler's Convention The 45th year of down-home do-it-yourself pickin' (plenty of time for fiddlin around). August 6-9. 328A Kenbrook Dr., Galax, Va. Call Oscar Hall (703) 236-6355. FRESHEST Farmers' Markets Out of the land o'plenty and into your own backyard. Two nearby markets open this summer: Arlington Farmers' Market on May 31, at the Arlington County Courthouse. Call Francis Lay at 558-2475. The D.C. FARMERS' market on June 24, at the Stadium, Benning Road and Oklahoma Ave. NE. Call Al Smith at 282-7993. Fruit Picking They taste better when they're the fruits of your labor. For information regarding what, where and when to pick, send a self-addressed envelope to Montgomery County Extension Service, 600 S. Frederick Ave., Gaithersburg, Md. 20760 (for Maryland pickers). Fairfax County Extension Service, Horticulture Dept., 3945 Chain Bridge Rd., Fairfax Va. 22030 (for Virginia pickers). HIGHEST Calvert Distillery What it takes to get to the bottle.Tours available at Calvert Distillery Plant of Joseph E. Seagrams and Sons Inc., 5000 Washington Blvd., Relay, Md. (301) 247-1000. LOWEST Winecellar and Vineyard Tours Straight from the grapevine. Berrywine Plantations, Route 4, Box 247, Glisans Mill Rd., Mt. Airy, Md. 21771, (301) 662-8687. Shenandoah Vineyards, Route 686, Edinburg, Va. 22824.(703) 984-8699. Byrd Vineyards, Church Hill Rd., Myersville, Md. 21773. (301) 293-1110. MOST HISTORIC Anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg It happened five score and 17 years ago. This summer it's happening June 28-July 6. (In conjunction with the celebration, there will be an Authentic Civil War Encampment, June 28-29, and the Gettysburg Civil War Relic and Collectors Show, July 4-6.) Contact: The Gettysburg Travel Council, 35 Carlisle St., Gettysburg, Pa. 17325 (717) 334-6274. Sturgis Pretzel House Twist your pretzel at the first commercial pretzel bakery in America. 219 E. Main St., Lititz, Pa. 17325. (717) 626-4354. Tavern Days Relive the days of our festive forefathers. August 14, 21, 28. Gadsby's Tavern. 134 N. Royal St., Alexandria. (703) 750-6565. Virginia's Historic Plantations The Taras of the Tidewater. Shirely and Berkeley Plantations, Sherwood Forest, Carter's Grove. Along the James River. Call the Virginia Travel Service: 293-5350. HOMIEST A Night on Palace Green The Governor and his neighbors on Palace Green open their candlelit homes for music, drama and dance. Every Friday night starting May 9 in Colonial Williamsburg. Call toll free (800) 466-8956 (outside Virginia) or (800) 582-8976 (in Virginia). Coventry Forge Inn It takes two and a half hours and 250 years to get to this old-fashioned fantasy inn. Rooms are for rent, and the food is a dream. Route 2, Pottstown, Pa. (215) 469-6222. Farm Visitation Day Maryland tobacco, dairy and horse farmers show city slickers a thing or two. Contact: Milt Nelson, Cooperative Extension Service, Symons Hall, University of Maryland, College Park, Md. 20742. (301) 454-3622. Michie Tavern Patrick Henry's Dad lived here, the first U.S. waltz was danced here, and now you can eat downright fine lunches here. Route 53, Charlottesville, Va. (804) 977-1234. Turkey Run Farm Hard-times horticulture in the 18th century. McLean, Va. 557-1356. KIDDIEST Balloon Festival Forty hot-air balloonists compete at the mercy of the winds. From the Flying Circus Aerodrome. August 23-24. (The Flying Circus also presents an acrobatic aviation show every Sunday from May to October.) Route 17, Bealton, Va. (703) 439-8661. Busch Gardens Italy, Busch Gardens-style. It's a new country for The Old Country. Williamsburg, Va. Call 296-3252. King's Dominion New playthings: The Haunted River, a watery nightmare, Captain Skyhook, a mini-parachute, and Dino the Dinosaur ride. Open weekends until May 25, daily from May 26 through Labor Day. Call 876-5000. National Colonial Farm Space-age children revert to colonial children and partake in musical events and games of the 18th century. Every weekend in June. 3400 Bryan Point Rd., Accokeek, Md. (301) 283-2113. Sand Castle Building Contest For budding medieval sandscrapers. August 2, 11 a.m. -- 4 p.m., Fisherman's Beach, Lewes, Del. Call (302) 227-9466. Naturalist Cranberry Glades Stroll down the boardwalk through the cranberry bogs. For information, contact Forest Supervisor's Office, Monongahela National Forest, Box 1548, Elkins, W. Va. 26241. (304) 636-1800. Lilypons Water Gardens The home of goldfish, waterlilies and other aquatic marvels. 6800 Lilypons Road, Lilypons, Md. (south of Frederick) (301) 874-5133. Longwood Gardens The grass is always greener; the roses are redder. Route 1, Kennett Square, Pa. (215) 388-6741. National Arboretum Everything's coming up azaleas . . . and rhododendrons . . . and waterlilies . . . and dogwoods. For information on what's coming up when, call 472-9272. Natural Bridge You can't cross this one when you come to it. Natural Bridge, Va. (703) 291-2121. Natural Chimneys Towering limestone columns carved by the swirling waters of the Shenandoah, Natural Chimneys Regional Park, Mt. Solon, Va. (703) 350-2510. Shenandoah National Park Walk through the wildflowers with a botanical expert. May 11, sponsored by the Audubon Naturalist Society, 652-5964. RACIEST The Great Train Race The iron horse versus the real thing: which will run out of steam first? May 10 at the Strasburg Railroad, Route 896, Strasburg, Pa. (717) 687-7522. Hecht's Ten-Miler Marathon For the marathon man and woman, June 1. Starts and finishes at Carter Barron Amphitheater, runs through Rock Creek Park. Applications available at all Hecht's men's departments. SLOPPIEST Pie-Eating Contest Searching for the fastest lemon meringue-eater in the East. May 31, 12:30 p.m. at Cavalier Days, Calvery County Fair Grounds, Prince Frederick, Md. (301) 855-6726. SPORTIEST Annapolis Cycle and Sailing Weekend A combo for bikers and boaters. June 7-8. Call American Youth Hostels: 462-5780. Jousting Tournament For those whose knight in shining armor hasn't come yet, here's a parade of them, and a battle to the finish. August 17, Horse Range Farm, Mechanicsville, Md. (301) 884-3229 or (301) 884-3024. Kemper Open and Celebrity Pro-Am Golf Tournaments The biggies tee-off for $400,000. May 26-June 1. Congressional Country Club, Bethesda, Md. 320-4100. Potomac River Whitewater Rafting A mild course for beginners with enough thrills and spills to make it fun; guides are in every raft. Contact: Blueridge Outfitters, P.O. Box 456, Harpers Ferry, W. Va. 25425. (304) 725-3444. Spelunking Canvas the caves. Seneca Rocks, Monongahela National Forest. Elkins, W. Va. 26241. (304) 636-1800. MISCELLANY Annual Pony Penning The wild ponies get more than their hoofs wet swimming from Assateague Island to Chincoteague for the annual auction. July 30-31. Contact: Chincoteague Volunteer Fire Department, Chincoteague, Va. 23336. Seneca Glass Factory One of the few U.S. glassmakers to still make handmade, mouthblown, hand-cut lead crystal. 709 Beechurt Ave., Morgantown, W. Va. (304) 292-7121. Tobacco Auctions After you've walked a mile for a Camel, then drive a few more to watch 184-pound tobacco bushels get auctioned away. Waldorf Warehouse, Waldorf, Md. (301) 645-7661. Hughsville Warehouse Md. (301) 274-3101. Until May 22. For those who like being the most informed, write or call any of the following tourist bureaus for their calendars, maps and brochures on special events and special places. The statewide agencies provide information on what's happening everywhere within the state. Check the other bureaus and Chambers of Commerce for more specific advice on that area. It's all free and will guarantee you the busiest summer ever. Delaware Delaware State Travel Service 630 State College Rd. P.O. Box 1401 Dover, Del. 19901 (800) 441-8846 Rehoboth Chamber of Commerce 73 Rehoboth Ave. Rehoboth, Del. 19971 (302) 227-2233 Southern Delaware Tourist Information Bureau/Greater Milfor Chamber of Commerce P.O. Box K Milford, Del. 19963 (302) 422-3301 Maryland Annapolis Chamber of Commerce 171 Conduit St. Annapolis, Md. 21401 (301) 268-7676 Baltimore Office of Promotion and Tourism 110 W. Baltimore St. Baltimore, Md. 21201 (301) 752-8632 Maryland Office of Tourist Development 1748 Forest Drive Annapolis, Md. 21401 (301) 269-2686 Ocean City Chamber of Commerce Route 1, Box 310A Ocean City, Md. 21842 (301) 289-8559 Pennsylvania Bureau of Travel Development Pennsylvania Department of Commerce South Office Building Harrisburg, Pa. 17120 (717) 787-5453 Gettysburg Travel Bureau 35 Carlisle St. Gettysburg, Pa. 17325 (717) 334-6274 Pennsylvania Dutch Visitors Bureau Lancaster, Pa. 17601 (717) 334-6274 Virginia Alexandria Tourist Council 221 King St. Alexandria, Va. 22314 549-0205 Colonial Williamsburg Reservations Manager P.O. Box B Williamsburg, Va. 23185 (800) 446-8956 (outside Va.) (800) 582-8976 (inside Va.) Or (804) 229-1000 Shenandoah Valley Travel Association P.O. Box 488 New Market, Va. 22844 (703) 740-3132 Virginia Travel Service 906 17th St. NW. Washington D.C. 20006 293-5350 West Virginia Eastern Gateway Travel Council West Virginia Information Center Harpers Ferry, W. Va. 25425 (304) 535-2482 Potomac Highland Travel Council Star Route 1 Burlington, W. Va. 26710 (304) 289-3636 State Travel Division, Office of Economic Development 1900 Washington St. E. Building 6, Room 553 Charleston, W. Va. 25305 (304) 348-2286