What? You don't know about the dreaded Project Z, the secret Pentagon plan to launch a preemptive nuclear strike against the Soviet Union? You didn't know it was scheduled by "the Bolshevik war planners" for Sept. 30?

Then you didn't hear the latest from Dr. Peter Beter, Washington's conspiracy student. A local lawyer in the '50s, former counsel to the U.S. Export-Import Bank (appointed by John F. Kennedy in 1961), and a unsuccessful "radical Republican" candidate for the governorship of West Virginia in 1968, Beter is a mild-mannered man who each month mails to subsribers tape cassettes filled with shocking "inside" information.

In the past, he's revealed that President Jimmy Carter was replaced by a double (remember when Carter mysteriously switched the part on his hair?), that Nelson Rockefeller was assassinated and that the Jonestown massacre was a hoax--the bodies discovered there were American soldiers killed while on a secret mission to disarm a Soviet missile base.

Then, last month, Beter boldly predicted a time and date for doomsday. We called Beter several days before the 3 p.m. Sept. 30 deadline. He allowed as how the Pentagon was furious with him for revealing Project Z, but he was afraid nothing could stop the madmen. When the deadline passed without event, we called Beter again. Beter was relieved his prediction had not been borne out, but said we weren't out of the woods yet. An American satellite in stationary orbit over the Indian Ocean (an "attack confirmation sensor" that was "the mysterious military payload of space shuttle four," said Beter) was still in service and could be activated at any time. Stay tuned.