KITCHEN HELP

The first thing to do when you get these three eggs is to send them off in completely different directions. The green one is called the Salad Crisper; when paired with greens in a bowl of cold water for three to four hours, the carbon inside will perk up the lettuce and celery. The blue egg is Fridge Fresh, with activated charcoal inside to soak up food odors that lurk in the refrigerator. The tan one, Cracker Crisp, earns its name with silica gel to absorb moisture and keep crackers from getting soggy. Now, where are the ones that clean the oven and scour the stove?

Food fresheners. $5.50 for the set of three. Williams- Sonoma, Mazza Gallerie, 5300 Wisconsin Ave. NW. 244-4800. Also at Tysons Corner. 821- 3020.

THE BETTER HALF

Crush no more your precious half-frames. This cushy case is constructed specifically to protect and defend. Foam-padded and leather-lined, the calfskin envelope tucks nicely into small pockets or slips easily onto the dashboard. Made by hand in Italy, the case comes in three rich colors, black, brown and wine, and can be monogrammed at no extra charge.

Half-frame eyeglass case. $45. Unlined version, $25. Mark Cross, Georgetown Park, 3222 M St. NW. 342-2413.

UNDER WRAPS

Teapots have nothing to hide, but throughout history people have found it necessary to camouflage and warm these vessels with tea cozies. Such subterfuge may have always seemed unnecessary to some of us, until along came this Irish cottage with a thatched roof to help keep the brew piping hot and to help lift spirits, too. It also is a good gift on St. Patrick's Day. Miniature cottages are available as egg cozies, for all those people who believe eggs should look like cottages too.

Tea cozy. $24.98. Egg cozy. $7.98. The Irish Walk, 415 King St., Alexandria. 548-0118.

DISAPPEARING ACT

He invites her for dinner. The evening is a great success, except she hates his dirty carpet. Soon thereafter she dispatches a white bucket -- the home spot kit from Carpet Cleaning, Inc. It is a soapless cleaning process, which the manufacturer claims is more effective than steaming and shampooing. Apply the nontoxic solution, rub it with the hand pad included in the kit and clean up your act, too.

Spot kit. $28.50 plus local sales tax. No charge for shipping. Carpet Cleaning, Inc., Suite 302, 2820 Lee Oaks Place, Falls Church. 573-5977.