TEEN-AGERS DO NOT WRITE ON letterhead stationery. Teen-agers do not have embossed initials at the top of blue note paper. Teen-agers do not put Esquire after their names. These were some of the early-warning signs that adults were infiltrating the letter bag with some bogus teen slang. (We have our doubts about such phrases as "Let's tie a can to this place.")

The first test of authenticity, of course, is to look for paper that has been ripped out of a spiral notebook. If it's three-hole-punched and has indentations from the previous page's math homework, it's the real deal. From all test results, these submissions appear to be genuine non-adult: loxie n. A natural blond (a` la Goldilocks), as opposed to a . . . boxie n. A bleached blond (a` la out of a bottle), as in "Is she a loxie or a boxie?" (Maxine Hart, Silver Spring). magnet n. A nerdy student who never moves, so fearful is he of the teacher, as in "That magnet won't get out of his seat even when the teacher is gone" (Greg Holobaugh, Takoma Park). shout at your shoes colloq. Throw up, as in "Otis was really hurting; he went outside to shout at his shoes" (Mark Garcia, Reston). wastoid n. A person who wastes his or her life away by using drugs or alcohol, as in "That wastoid has a serious drug problem" (Denise Barnes, Waldorf). Linguistic observers are invited to send examples of teen-age slang to: J Street, The Washington Post Magazine, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071.