If you saw a movie listing for "Sauce for the Gander," or "Ready for Edna", "Got My Own", "Arizona Strip," or "Never Anyone Under 60" you might think it was a guide for x-rated viewing action. You would be wrong.

Similarly, a movie choice between Thoroughly Modern Molly," "The Travels of Timothy Trent" or "A Very Special Man" would not guarantee a three-hankerchief tear-jerker, or light musical.

All of the above, plus a few thousand more titles, are right out of the federal film file. When it comes to movies, and exciting titles, Hollywood is really hicksville. Washington is where the action is. And you, the taxpayer, are a coproducer.

Nobody knows for sure how much Uncle Sam spends making movies or buying them. But it is a bundle.

Since the U.S. government is a nonprofit organization, it does not -- like Hollywood -- have to concentrate on big box office draws of the moment, like 80 foot sharks, John Travolta, or UFOs. Filmwise, no subject is too tough, or dull for Uncle Sam. Our government covers the celluloid waterfront.

In fairness to the government, which has spent millions of our dollars buying films like "Sanitary Design for Drinking Fountains" (a silent movie) or "Instrument Exchange in Four-Handed Dentistry" a 7-minute, color, sound job, some of them probably seemed like a good idea at the time. Some probably still are. What military veteran could forget some of those basic hygiene films, or Chemical Corps eye-openers like "Sex Life of the Norway Rat." But some are too good not to list.

They range from the raunchy-sounding, ("Homewrecker" is really about teen-agers suffering from alcoholic parents) to those with a science-fiction ring like the 9-minute Navy classic "Identification of Some Common Sucking Lice" or "Cathode Follower." Some have a new-wave rhythm, like "Pinlay Abutments" (actually about teeth), or "Slinging Loads," a military, black-and-white classic about lifting heavy stuff.

There are others too difficult to explain. Such as:

'View of the Sky"... "View From The Top"... "Viewpoint..." "Vigil of Jenny Fay"... "The Veteran Becomes a Farmer"... or "Victory At Yorktown", to mention just a couple from the V-listings.

Other federally-funded films include, 'Placing Sliding Ways"... "Plague in Sylvatic Areas"... "Plane Sense"... "Planing a Dovetail Slide"... Planing a Flat Service"... "Planing Rough Surfaces to Dimensions"... or "Project Slush."

There also is "Basic Dog Surger"... "Using the Bennett Machine"..."Calculating Ambient Gas Tensions"... "Hog Cholera"... "One Bug is Too Many"... "Rhesus Monkeys of Santiago Island"... "Stamp Out Hog Cholera"... "War and Peace" (not that one, the other one)... "Great Balls of Fire"... "Fun With Dad"... "Grandmother and Leslie"... "Plan for Protection"..."Talking With Dolphins"... "The Five Days of Betsy"... "The Many Faces of Argonne"... "Working Mother"... 'The Wet Look"... and "Tent Flaps and Flapjacks."

Millions have surely thrilled to: "Makeup From the Neck Down"... "Hymn of the Nations"... "Handel's Messiah at the Naval Acdemy"... "No Place Like Home"... "Boiler Repairs"... "We Tiptoed Around Whispering"... "The Holdman"... "Speaking of Explosions"... "You Can't Bite Back"... "Days of a Tree"... "What Now Skipper?"... "Safe Refuse Collection"... "Froggy and Friends"... "Dental Care for the Aged"... "The Owl Who Gave a Hoot"... "Solving A Problem With Sedation."

Some federal movies need explanation. For example, "How To Succeed With Brunettes" isn't a single man's guide to happiness. This 17-minute Navy film shows sailors "proper and improper etiquette on a movie date, and at a formal dance with a receiving line."

The film-freak might order "Hobbing a Square Tooth Spline Shaft" without really knowing what it is all about. In fact, it is simply a description of "how to change hob arbors, centalize the hob with the centering gage, mount the center-type fixture and the top adjustable center, use a driving dog in mounting the spline shaft blank, set up for the trial cut, and take the full depth of cut." It is part of a five-film series that ends with the 18-minute "Hobbing A Work Gear -- Infeed Method," which is self-explanatory.

Payroll Clerks: Labor Department has three openings at the Grade 4 or 5 level. Send applications to 200 Constitution Ave. NW, Room 5-5518, Zip 20210, Attn: Joan Carter.

Supervisory Systems Accountant: Treasury has a Grade 14 job. Call Stuart Reynolds at 447-1408.

Miscellaneous Jobs: Federal Trade needs a GS 9 through 12 employee development specialist; GS 11 or 12 position classification specialist (part-time); part-time GS 5 clerk; and full-time and part-time clerk-typists, GS 3 through 5. Call Diane Matthews or Kathy Djenab at 523-5049.