GOOD DAY! Welcome to "Ask Senator Righteous." He is, as you know, a member of the United States Senate and one of the most powerful men in the United States. And now, without further ado, here's Senator Righteous. The first question, please.

Senator, could you tell us your position on abortion?

I'm against it. It is murder. It is vile and evil and immoral and un-American, and I favor legislation to outlaw it.

In all cases?

No. The only exceptions would be rape or if the life of the mother was endangered.

Why?

Why what?

If abortion is murder, why make an exception for rape or incest?

Because . . .

Don't you think that the fetus produced by a rape is a human life? Is is the fault of the fetus that it was produced by a rape?

No, but . . .

Well, then, why would you allow that type of abortion when you would not allow an abortion under normal circumstances?

Well, hold on now, son. Rape is a dastardly act. It is a crime against womanhood. It would be terrible if a woman had to live with the results of a criminal act, a profane intrusion against her womanhood.

Thank you, senator. But is the human life produced by a rape less worthy than the human life produced by happy and occasionally blissful matrimony?

Well, no.

And if it is not, then are we really talking about just saving human life? We are talking about something else -- maybe the feelings of the mother.

I wouldn't put it that way . . .

Excuse me, senator. I am not finished with my question. And if that is the case, why do we value the feelings of a raped woman more than the feelings of a woman who is about to give birth to, say, a retarded child, a mongoloid baby, a baby with sickle cell anemia, or one with Tay-Sachs disease who will, it is assured, die before adulthood?

We don't.

But one kind can be aborted and the other cannot. Isn't abortion always murder?

I resent . . .

Let's go on. How about incest? Why should an abortion be permitted if the fetus was conceived as a result of incest?

Incest is an abomination. It is a sin. A heinous sin.

Yes. But it is not the baby who sinned.

No, but . . .

And if the baby is innocent, why kill it? It is not a life like any other life?

Yes, but . . .

Look, you've always said that instead of having an abortion, a woman should carry the baby to term, give birth and then put the baby up for adoption. Isn't that right?

Right.

Well, then, why can't the woman who has conceived a baby out of rape do the same thing?

Well . . .

Is the baby different from one conceived in a drunken grope in the back of a car?

Well . . .

Is it different from one conceived by a woman who might not even know the father?

Well . . .

Is it different from one conceived by a teen-aged girl who is not yet prepared to be a mother -- not even emotionally prepared to be pregnant?

Slow down, son. Yes, it is different. A woman who has been raped is the victim of a crime. A woman who otherwise conceived a fetus has done the deed herself.

So she ought to live with the consequences?

Right.

She ought to be punished for what she's done?

Right. No! It's not that simple.

So then we are making value judgments that have nothing at all to do with the sanctity of life. It has to do, instead, with concepts of punishment and responsibility.

Sort of . . .

So sometimes you value the feelings of the mother more than the life of the fetus?

Well, I suppose so.

But different people have different value, right?

Right.

And you want the government to establish those values for all people under all circumstances?

Well, someone has to do it.

Why not the woman?

Some of them are for abortion on demand.

Yes, but they are also making value judgments. You would permit abortion under some circumstances, so would they -- just more circumstances.

They don't consider it murder.

You do?

Correct.

Do you believe in capital punishment?

Absolutely.

And you believe abortion is murder?

Absolutely.

Then the woman who has an abortion and the doctor who performs it should be executed?

Why?

You just said it's murder.

You liberals think you're so cute.

No Senator, just confused.