Two tales from the land of flab for you this morning, both with happy endings -- at least for Children's Hospital.

Case One: A 17-year-old girl in McLean is thumbing through the Sunday Post when she spots one of those ads that promise tubbies an easy route to slimness.

"Turn Belly Fat Into a Rock-Hard Lean Stomach," the ad screeches. All you've got to do is spend $9.95.

And for what? To judge from the photo in the ad, it's a tension device similar to an elastic harness that you rub up and down on the offendingly fat part of your body. "In just seven short minutes a day," the ad promises, it'll be bye-bye to "ugly, embarrassing fat . . . . "

Believe that and I'll tell you another. But our 17-year-old came up with a better idea. She mailed in nine rumpled dollars, and this note:

"To tell you the truth, I was actually saving this money to buy this exercise gadget that promises to rid me of any excess baggage that may have crept on unexpectedly. But I know the children need my small contribution more . . . . So I've decided to just do some more sit-ups and leg-lifts and to donate the money saved to Children's Hospital."

I'd propose a toast to you, Ms. McLean, if it weren't so caloric.

Case Two: About six weeks ago, a pair of Silver Springers made each other a bet.

One man tipped the scales at 188, the other at 195. Too much, they decided. So they each kicked in $25 and set the following terms:

If only one contestant managed to get below 180 within six weeks, he'd win the other's $25. If both managed to get below 180, no money would change hands. And if neither got below 180, all $50 would go to Children's Hospital.

The final totals: Mr. 188 got to 185, and Mr. 195 got as far as 190.

Tough luck, guys. But Children's isn't a bit sorry.