If we had our druthers, we'd be out in the Shenandoah Valley among the apple blossoms that the people in and around Winchester are celebrating this weekend at the 56th annual Apple Blossom Festival.

But, yecch, the folks who sponsor that event have succumbed to that most terrible of maladies, celebritiatus excessivus.

To wit: A dispatch from United Press International reports that Gov. Charles S. Robb, a genuine political celebrity, crowned Queen Shenandoah, an undoubtedly nice and pretty young lady named Dana Connors. She's the daughter of actor Mike Connors, the star of television shows "Mannix" and "Today's FBI."

After the coronation, country singer Tommy Overstreet--the UPI breathlessly reported that he has sung seven No. 1 hits on a hit list other than mine--was to serve as grand marshal of the Firefighters Parade.

Today, after a genuine 10-kilometer running race in which record-holder Mike Musoyki will compete, there will be another parade featuring another televison star of a show called "Dynasty," John James, described by UPI as "the real heartthrob."

By way of reassuring us of the importance of the Apple Blossom Festival, the UPI dispatch reminds us that previous festivals "have drawn such celebrities as Bob Hope and George Hamilton IV." George Hamilton IV?