Maybe you'd like the honor of being a District of Columbia officeholder, or maybe you're fascinated with certain matters of public concern, or maybe you have a personal ax to grind. Whatever the case, there are 347 jobs, mostly totally uncompensated, open or soon to open on boards and commissions of the city government that must be filled from among D.C. residents by Mayor Marion Barry.

None of the real plum jobs, like the Public Service Commission, is included, but one public opening is coming up next May on the Redevelopment Land Agency board. So is one future spot on a current hot seat, the panel that nominates members of the University of D.C. board of trustees.

Would you like to serve on, for example, the Alcoholism Advisory Council? There are currently nine openings and, in the humorless prose of the bureaucracy, they must be filled -- would you believe? -- by "providers, experts and consumers."

Among other openings are 16 members of the Block Grants Advisory Committee ("Cannot be D.C. Govt. employes"), four electrical contractors to serve on the Electrical Board, four members for the taxicab- regulating Hackers License Appeals Board ("two industry, two public"), four members of the Historical Records Advisory Board ("archivists and public"), one plumber to serve on the Plumbers Board, and seven to serve on the Commission for Women ("experience in women's affairs").

Nominations should be sent to the mayor. To find out how to apply, call the mayor's special assistant for boards and commissions at 727-1372.