As a self-professed "Reaganite monarchist," Richard Boardman just had to see the royal couple and as a Redskins fan he had to see the game. As a member of the cast in the opera, "Un Ballo in Maschera," he had to be at the Kennedy Center for opening night and as a contestant in a Mikhail Gorbachev look-alike contest he had to be back home in time for a makeup and photo session.
He had to eat and, of course, he had to sleep and then go to his health club for a swim. He had to rent his house because he has to go to Australia in three weeks, which meant he had to get rid of some of his Prince Charles and Princess Diana memorabilia, so he had to have a yard sale.
And, in this either/or world of Washington's weekend past, Boardman, a 45-year-old retired Foreign Service officer, did it all.
Ask how he did it and Boardman becomes breathless. It's harder to talk about than do, which is a clue. He just did it.
"Don't say I 'set an agenda,' " he cautions. "That's a yuppie phrase. Let's say I was in pursuit of happiness and the convergence of these events was my own little Halley's Comet."
Yet, it was with some distress that he offered for sale on Sunday his Charles and Lady Di pennant, his Charles and Lady Di wedding towels, his Charles and Lady Di ceramic coin bank, his Charles and Lady Di matchbook, an official royal sewing thimble and a "King and Di" button featuring Prince Charles sporting a Yul Brynner haircut.
If all that were sold, he would just have to make do with a copy of the magazine Royal Monthly, the souvenir book, "Charles: In His Own Words," and a Charles and Lady Di coffee mug inscribed with their wedding announcement.
But now it was off to the opera, which told the story about the assassination of a king and in which Boardman plays the part of "the chamberlain," who orchestrates the king's court.
It is late when the king dies, the curtain falls and Boardman goes home, eats milk and toast and watches Madonna host "Saturday Night Live."
Privately, he hopes that all Madonna look-alikes will oversleep and not show up for a peek at his highness during church services the next day. Dressed in a Ronald Reagan Republican necktie and carrying his royal coffee mug, he discovers upon arrival at the Washington Cathedral that his wish has come true. Most people in attendance look like him -- not Madonna.
Now he rushes from the cathedral to the site of his yard sale and begins to hawk his wares.
In the end, he makes more than $100, but the only Charles and Lady Di memorabilia that he can sell is the matchbox, which goes for $3.
At 3:45 p.m., he realizes that the Redskins game is about to start so he hurries inside his Northwest home, turns on the television and waits for the makeup artist and photographer.
Earlier, he had received a call from a friend asking if he wanted to try out as a Gorbachev look-alike.
After 22 years as a Foreign Service officer "fighting communism around the world," it is with some chagrin that he now resembles "the top commie thug."
But the caller assured him that, with the Geneva summit about to begin, surely someone is looking for a lead man in a Gorbachev spoof.
Since he needs money for his trip, he says, "Why not?"
With cotton balls stuck in his jaws, he watches as the makeup artist spreads stain over his head. "Make the birthmark darker," he says with a Russian accent.
Meanwhile, the Redskins are playing and Boardman is watching in his Gorbachev persona, "Vondering vats wrong vith those Deadskins, you know?"
Even as some may be wondering what's wrong with him.
Yet, there is no question that he has pulled off an extraordinary schedule of events. The only question is why.
So Boardman quotes from a soap opera star he heard speak during a recent awards ceremony. "The only thing that ennobles man is being a part of something that is greater than oneself," he says. "Therefore, I want to thank you all for letting me be a part of 'As The World Turns.' "