Q: There hasn't been a good sex scandal on Capitol Hill for several years. But did you hear anything recently about a group of congressmen going to an orgy?
A: Yes, but nothing happened -- they couldn't agree on committee assignments.
Q: The 96th Congress has been called an Oversight Congress. Why is that?
A: Because if it accomplished anything it was an oversight.
Q: I'm curious about the Vatican order which forced Congressman Drinan, the Jesuit priest, to give up his House seat. When did the pope decide the congressman had to go?
A: When he learned Father Drinan had a little statue of Tip O'Neil on his dashboard.
q: I love to study the roots and origins of our language. What is the derivation of the word "Congress?" A: Con, of course, means "to swindle" and -gress is the Greek suffix for "women and children."
Q: The Democrats in the Senate seem increasingly unruly and uncontrollable by the leadership. Does Senator Byrd have any new ideas for keeping the troops in line?
A: Yes, He's going to make Darth Vader the majority whip.
Q: I'm fed up with taxpayer money financing these exotic junkets congressmen are always taking. Is the Congress doing anything to make these trips more legitimate?
A: There is some talk of building a naval base at Club Med.