o preserve the bureaucratic way of life and to meet the challenges of the next century, we need to do more than celebrate the first 100 years of the Pendletonian movement. We need to meet the immediate crisis, and we need to preserve our heritage of dynamic inaction and creative nonresponsiveness. This will not be easy . . . particularly as the economy continues to move with skiddistic acceleration toward a bottom line clunkality, but there are a few things that we can and must do immediately.
It is imperative that we residuate into the lowest possible profile, and we must remain in that residuational position until the dust has settled and the idiotoxic policies have been lost in the historical flow. When a comfortable and secure position of residuation has been found, we should hunkerfy into a flexible mental crouch that will permit us to leap in whatever direction may be best for us in the future. By immediately residuating and hunkerfying, we can survive, and we can quietly develop new molecular structures and modular forms that will be the basis for future growth.
While in a crisis-oriented, residuational stance, we should plan for the future. Being on the brink of the computer age and the space age, we have not only an opportunity to survive but also an opportunity to build for future growth. Though we bureaucrats believe that progress is our greatest mistake and that nothing should be done for the first time, we may need to fuzzify some of our terms. This would permit an adjustivity of interpretation that would enable us to do what we need to do while still holding to our fuzzified principles.
In meeting the challenge of the computer age, we should launch a massive research program to find the means of computerizing indecision and interfacing slushmental concepts. The problem is simply one of adequate funding. Though grants are difficult to obtain during the economic crisis, funds would be readily available when recast in terms of national security. A "Grant for Studying Computerized Indecision" would not be approved, but a contract would be approved if it bore an appropriate title. One would be "The Bytality Harmonics of Decisionary Processes and Megaresponse Capabilities."
The challenge of the space age is ultimately one of colonization and the transplantation of bureaucratic globalities. To plan for the growth of bureaucratic culture in space, we should develop a series of space modules or Status Quo Kits. The modularized kits should include our body of laws, regulations, procedural abstractions, formological materials, red tape and red ink. They would be a part of every colonization effort. By proper planning of the Status Quo Kits, we could mushify the impact of progress, and we could guarantee the survival of the bureaucratic way of life.
The funding for the Status Quo Kits could be obtained through using the normal national security terminology, but a fall-back plan would involve the direct participation of Congress. For those members of Congress who like to travel, an interparliamentary program would provide a meaningful interplanetary transfer of governmental experience, constituency control technology and institutionalized red tape. The Status Quo Kits would be the featured part of an appropriate ceremony. Through such congressional involvement, not only would the research and program funding be forthcoming but also would future generations of bureaucrats in other worlds be assured of the continued earthy accommodation between the bureaucracy and the peoples' elected representatives.
Let us therefore joyously but cautiously celebrate the first 100 years of Pendletonian bureaucracy, and let us also chart the survival course for bureaucracy. Let us continue to orbitate our dialogues, abstruct our policies and move with forthright adjustivity. Let us reject the reforms that are scams, and let us meet our shufflistic responsibilities as we move with our backs to the wall. Let us stay the course.