I'm sick, sick, sick -- and that's no hogwash.
But, I love it. Tens of thousands are suffering from the same disease and they are loving it.
As the young people say, it is "bad!" And like "bad" means good, sick means super (pardon the pun) good.
The severe affliction is, of course, Redskin fever. It attacks people from all walks of life --the thick and the thin. The tall and small. You name it.
We all know Redskin fever is not new, but it has recently reached epidemic proportions, about which so much has been written. I take my journalistic assignments seriously, so I set out to determine how severe Redskin fever really is in our nation's capital and, in particular, the U.S. Senate.
As a result of my investigative reporting, I uncovered a reporter's dream--a scoop. And, it confirms what we suspected: the fever is rampant.
What we uncovered is the new assignments of committee chairmen for the 98th Congress. This list has, heretofore, never been published:
--Dexter Manley, Subcommittee on Terrorism.
--John Riggins, Subcommittee on Communications.
--Mike Nelms, Subcommittee on Surface Transportation.
--The Hogs (Co-Chairmen), Subcommittee on Productivity and Competition.
--Joe Theismann, Subcommittee on Aviation.
--Redskinettes (Co-Chairmen), Select Committee on Ethics.
--Joe Gibbs, Committtee on Labor and Human Resources.
--Bobby Beathard, Subcommittee on Business and Trade(s).
--Pete Rozelle, Subcommittee on Continuing Investigations.
--Jack Kent Cooke, Finance Committee.
--Bubba Tyrer, Subcommittee on Health.
--Ticket Manager, Subcommittee on Printing.
--Dave Butz, Committee on Defense (no offense).
--Alvin Garrett, Subcommittee on Tactical Air Warfare.
--Skins Coaching Staff (Co-Chairmen), Subcommittee on Preparedness.
--Mark Moseley, Veterans Affairs.
--Mark Murphy, Subcommittee on Labor Negotiations.
--Redskins Groundskeeper, Subcommittee on Natural Resource Management.
--'Skins Defensive Backfield (Co-Chairmen), Select Committee on Physical Abuse.
--Tom Flick, Subcommittee on Juvenile Justice.
--George Starke, Select Committee on the Aging.
--Jeff Bostic, Special Subcommittee on Forgotten Soldiers.
--Joe Washington, President Pro Tempore of the Senate. (Who else has a city named after him?)
Well, you have it. A scoop. In closing, let me leave you with a toast you hear around the Senate Office Building these days: Here's to our 'Skins who bring us joy With backs and sacks and hogs, my boy. Here's to our 'Skins who make us alive With slants and reverses and middle dives. Here's to the 'Skins, toast of the town With tricks and kicks and big first downs. And, here's to our fans, none can compare With cheers and jeers, our opponents they dare. Here's to our fans, from all walks of life With zest for the best, no time for strife. Here's to our fans, the good and the sinners, For the hogs--not the dogs-- this day will be winners.
As I said, I'm sick, sick, sick--and loving it. That's no hogwash.