Harry Fisher {letters, Nov. 10} takes Judy Mann's column {Oct. 28} on child support to task for being "another salvo in the war between the sexes." Then he himself wages war between the sexes.

As a divorced mother, I am sick and tired of hearing ex-husbands whine about child support. I agree that child support shouldn't be "extended alimony," but with few exceptions most child support payments don't even come close to paying for the actual costs of raising children. Many mothers are lucky if they get enough to pay for the cost of day care.

Mr. Fisher's solution to the problem is to "award child custody to the parent who is the more capable of support." Oh, that's brilliant! Come off it. Most fathers don't do their share of the work involved in raising children when they're married. What makes Mr. Fisher think they want full custody after the divorce? Again, with few exceptions, most men just aren't interested in full custody. In fact, many of them aren't even interested in visitation.

It is a well-documented fact that men make more money than women do. It is also a disgusting fact that after a divorce, the father's standard of living rises, while the mother's and the children's decreases. The mother has this to deal with in addition to the stresses of raising the children alone. How can a father expect his children to respect him when this fact is so painfully obvious?

The very least a father can do is to provide the same standard of living for his children that he has. And it would be nice for the kids if he would do so without exhibiting paranoia about whether or not their mother is getting "extended alimony." CATHERINE M. SCHAFFNER Spotsylvania, Va.