What pleases me most about the language of advertising is that it allows me to add a little life to my style, and at the same time, to add a little style to my life. Admittedly, I am one of those who can't wait -- I can't wait -- for tomorrow. For me the Futura is now. And while I appreciate that four out of five dentists surveyed recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum, and I am glad I use Dial, still one must go for the Tuborg gold occasionally, must one not?

Baby, put a charge in your life, that's what I say. Wrigley's spearmint gum says Hello, but I say Howdy to fresh food. I say it at McDonald's and at Bob's Big Boy, which gives you freedom of choice, not to mention that great Alpo taste. (It's so nice when you feel good about a meal.) As for me and my RC, we're going to get a pow pow powerful, good good feeling from cheer cheer Cheerios.

I only suggest that you don't bring home the bacon; think lean. Think Michelin first. It melts in your mouth, not in your hands. And you're in good hands when you WASH with the stars. Let your fingers do the walking through airports. If you've got the time, we've got Granola, straight from the Valley of the jolly green giant, in the heart of Marlboro country, where the streets are paved with bargains. Long distance is the next best thing to being there. We are, after all, the wings of man, doing what we do best, to the last drop.

Can there be any doubt that Mr. Bubble in the tub'll get you squeaky clean? Plop plop, fizz fizz. It's a Timex. It's a Sony. It's safe for the ozone. Don't leave home without it. Or, if you must, give your cold to Contac, then come to Shell for answers. You're going to love our Great Little Car -- Thomases promises. It's a piece of the rock. It's a natural. And if you've ever wondered who makes the best darn burger in the whole wide world, then join the people who join the army; it's not too sweet.

Oh, I realize that I'm a pepper, you're a pepper. But don't blame Desinex. At Rockwell International, a company called TRW gets down to business; and you'll always get your way at the sign of the cat -- and less. Albeit, the wet head is dead. But Coke adds life, as anyone can see, from the optical department at Sears. So let everybody shop at Marlo's, and swing to Geico. The real question is: Why do you like Fifth Avenue candy bars, Rocky? Because it's the bite that's right?

My trouble is, I do blame Desinex. You tell me Volkswagen does it again. But I do not wish to use Puppy Chow for a full year till he's full grown, or till the plate comes back for Hungry Jack. Bad enough that Cora has been seen with Mr. Goodwrench. Worse, that Josie the plumber has hinted to Rosie the Bounty hunter (a quicker pickerupper) that Mr. Whipple has begun to put the squeeze on charmin' Mrs. Olsen, simply because she has grown fond of Mr. Clean. Ever since Aunt Bluebell started dating Cap'n Crunch, and Col. Sanders took up with Madge the manicurist, the Pants Corral and Levi's, they too go together. And they say Trix are for kids.

Do you believe in peanut butter? Then, how do you spell relief -- J-E-L-L-O? (Thanks, Delco.) I understand that gentlemen prefer Hanes, but I'm a Lipton tea lover. I've got Pabst Blue Ribbon on my mind, not a pepper. No, I do not want a Hawaiian punch. No, I haven't heard about Dristan. Yet surely I deserve a break today as much as four out of five dentists surveyed, all of whom will do better at A&P than I will walking through airports. If Old Spice means quality, why is my minor arthritis acting up again? More to the point: If Goodrich is not Goodyear, and Addressograph Multigraph is now AM International, and if it's price you want, then it's price you'll get, do I belong at Memco?

Friends, keep your eyes on your fries. Test drive a Plymouth; everything tastes better with Bluebonnet on it. If for any reason you're unsatisfied, you can undo it with 7-Up. We, of course, are the other guys. We give it all we've got; we're there when you need us; we are driven; we try harder; we're American Airlines; we do it all for you. Hecht's may be filled with exciting ideas, but Ford has a better idea. There's always something good on Selectavision.

So take it from Jhoon Rhee, the master. Call Anthony, the family plumber. Put a charge in your life. Pass the Crest test. Shake 'n bake. Fight rather than switch. Have a Pepsi day. Fly the friendly skies. Beat the frizzies. Stop the greasies. Get the dry look. Be a pepper. Snap, crackle. Take Aim against cavities. Brush your breath. And look out for that bull.

You asked for it. You got it.