President Carter and relatives of the hostages in Iran met yesterday and jointly urged all Americans to suppress their anger while efforts to win the safe release of the prisoners continue.

"The presidet expects every American to refrain from any action that might increase the danger to the American hostages in Tehran," White House press secretary Jody Powell said in a statement issued on Carter's behalf after the meeting.

The statement marked a fresh attempt to stem what has become a matter of increasing concern to administration officials -- fears that mounting nationwide outrage about the situation in Iran will trigger incidents that could have tragic consequences for the hostages.

"There is outrage. There is frustration. And there is deep anger," the statement said. "There is also pride in the courage of those who are in danger and sympathy for them and their families."

While the administration's call for patience and restraint appeared to be winning bipartisan support in domestic political cricles, there were scattered outbursts of the angry rhetoric that the president and his top advisers are trying to keep tamped down.

Some came from unexpected quarters.In an interview published by the Miami News, former U.N. ambassador Andrew Young, long a close Carter friend and political ally, compared the Shah Mohammad Reza Pahlavi to Nazi war criminal Adolf Eichmann.

Saying that the United States is "protecting a thief and a butcher," Young charged that, to the Iranian people, "our protecting the shah is about like our protecting Adolf Eichmann. Nobody in Israel would have tolerated our protecting Eichmann." Shielding the shah is "just as offensive" to the Iranians, he said.

A different but potentially controversial tack was taken by Transportation Secretary Neil Goldschmidt in a speech to a union convention. Referring to Iran's status as one of the world's largest oil exporters, Gold-Schmidt said:

Give us back our people ad keep your damned oil. I'm sick and tired of being blackmained by them [Iranians]. and I think most Americans feel the same way."

On Capitol Hill, Rep. George Hansen (R-Idaho) released a letter to Carter threatening an impeachment drive against the president for "your continued failure to act."

The statement released by press secretary Powell said the president "is pursuing every possible avenue in a situation that is extremely volatile and difficult. His efforts involve many countries and individuals. Many of these efforts must of necessity be conducted without publicity, and all require the calmest possible atmosphere."

It concluded: "He calls on all Americans, public officials and private citizens alike, to exercise restraint and to keep the safety of their countrymen uppermost in their minds and hearts. Members of the families with whom the president met . . . have asked to join with him in ths appeal."

The private, 45-minute meeting with 18 relatives of the hostages took place at the State Department. Officials who were present described it as "an emotional occasion" and added that, while some of the family members were "not in good shape," they expressed appreciation for Carter's efforts, made no accusations and did not ask that the deposed shah be returned to Iran, as the hostages' captors are demanding.

In his letter, Hansen said Carter should deport "or take into protective custody" Iranian students in the United States and forbid their demonstrations supporting the shah's extradition.

The activities of the approximately 50,000 Iranian students in this country are of increasing concern to administration officials. They fear that the students especially those who have been vocal in condemning the shah, could become the targets of vigilante reprisals by Americans that would increase the danger to the hostages.

Although the administration has ruled out mass deportations as illegal and unjust, it was made known yesterday that the Justice Department has been in close contact with the White House about measures to protect innocent Iranians and possibly to seek deportation of those whose actions might exacerbate the situation.

According to reliable sources, Attorney General Benjamin R. Civiletti has ordered U.S. attorneys throughout the country to compile information on investigations and prosecutions involving Iranians as part of a potential review of deportation policy.

Ali Agah, charge d'affaires at the Iranian embassy in Washington, echoed the concerns of the administration in a statement released yesterday.

Agah said he hoped the safe release of the hostages "will be accomplished soon. However, until then let us not create any more anxiety which could jeopardize our common objective by causing an undesirable backlash."

The official said he had spoken to the students holding hostages in Tehran and they had assured him they would treat the hostages "in the best humanitarian way possible."

On the diplomatic front, the administration continued its attempts to use every possible direct and indirect means of appealing to the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, the Moslem religious leader controlling Iran, to free the prisoners.

The main development yesterday was at the United Nations, where intense diplomatic maneuvering by U.S. officials prompted the Security Council and General Assembly President Salim A. Salim of Tanzania to appeal publicly for release of the hostages.

After the unanimous action by the 15-member Security Council, U.s. Ambassador Donald McHenry said: "It is helpful that the international community expresses its view on this situation. We have no idea of what is going to come of these appeals, but I hope the Iranian government will react positively."

Since the takeover of the embassy last Sunday by radical student followers of Khomeini, the administration has made known repeatedly that it welcomes hel from all other governments and has said that the response has been almost totally positive.

Some U.S. officials had singled out the Soviet Union for showing restraint and sympathy in its actions, but yesterday the State Department publicly characterized as "completely unacceptable" Soviet press commentaries -- in particular, radio broadcasts in Iran's Farsi language -- about the attack on the embassy.

Department spokesman Hodding Carter said, "We have seen various commentaries offered through Soviet organs. We consider them to be completely unacceptable. We have expressed our strong feelings to the Soviets ad expressed our firm expectation that nothing be done which could inflame the situation in Iran."

He spoke before the Security Council vote, in which the Soviet Union, a permanent council member, backed the resolution calling for the hostages' release.

Late in the day, Vice President Mondale and Secretary of State Cyrus R. Vance privately briefed Senate members on the status of the negotiations. rBut, some of those present said later, there essentially has been no change in the situation or any sign of a breakthrough in efforts to resolve the crisis.

Treasury Secretary G. William Miller, in an interview with United Press International, said that if Iran cuts off its oil shipments to the United States, Americans could adjust without too much inconvenience.

Nothing that direct oil imports from Iran amount to less than 4 percent of U.S. consumption, Miller said, "You're not exactly talking about the end of the world." But he added that, given the immediate concern of freeing the hostages, this is not the time for the United States to be considering trade

Also yesterday, the State Department revealed that Marine guards and other embassy employes held off their attackers for more than two hours Sunday, while nearby Iranian security forces refused to respond to the embassy's calls for help.

A U.S. official who declined to be identified said that the government of Prime Minister Mehdi Bazargan had ssured the United States on three occasions that it would protect the embassy. But, the official continued, although the Iranians had "adequate force" only five minutes away, the Bazargan goverment violated it promises and gave no aid during the two hours that the embassy staff tried to hold off the attackers with tear gas.

In the wake of the embassy takeover, the Bazargan government resigned last Tuesday, turning full authority in Iran over to the Khomeini-controlled Islamic Revolutionary Council.