SORRY KIDS, but "Gobbles The Crazy Eating Goat" has failed to win the political endorsement of the Americans for Democratic Action's toy screening committee. It wasn't his plastic personality, either. Gobbles, for those who may not have read the local ADA's latest report on toys, has a sociologically if not ecologically bad habit: he eats plastic garbage when you pump his tail up and down. Though he may yet capture a nomination from the aluminum recycling lobby, Gobbles has been blacklisted by the ADA consumer affairs committee mainly because of the "concept of paying for garbage," which, if you really must know, comes extra for $1. Another committee criticism is that this is "not an accurate portrayal of the way to treat animals."

How you're gonna keep Gobbles down on the farm is one problem, but he's not the only ADA loser. There's a plastic dog with fleas that jump off his (or her?) back when you -- oh, oh -- twist the poor darling's tail. Just get a real hound for your household and you won't have to twist a thing. Then there is Suckerman, the creature covered with 26 suction cups, who -- when tossed about -- sticks to things. That may be fun, but fun isn't a consideration, it seems; the committee felt that Suckerman lacks play value. Besides, the committee members found that the only kind of surface this fellow took to was bathroom tile and "we don't think children should be confined to the bathroom to make a toy work." (Where do they keep their rubber duckie, or is he in for a roasting, too?)

Far more interesting -- and helpful -- are the price comparisons and safety ratings of toys that this survey has provided for consumers over the last eight years. But when it comes to "play value," the games get pretty silly.