Congress is working on legislation to establish by statute that human life begins at the moment of conception -- News item. Congressional Record House of Representatives Friday, May 1, 1981 The House met at 11 a.m. The Ayatollah Bani "Huz" Homeani, chaplain, Iranian-American Veterans League, West Buzzard, Neb., offered the following prayer.

The Rev. Ayatollah: "Death to the abortonists! Death to the abortionists! Death to the abortionists!"

The Speaker: The chair has examined the journal of the last day's proceedings and announces to the House his approval thereof and recognizes the gentleman from North Carolina, Rep. Screech.

Mr. Screech: Mr. Speaker, I rise proudly to speak in support of HR 299300167 A, which I have the pleasure to sponsor, and which would declare categorically and statutorily that life begins at the point of conception, so help me God.

Mr. Speaker: The chair recognizes the gentleman from Ohio, Rep. Philander.

Mr. Philander: Mr. Speaker, how would you legally determine when the point of conception was? I mean, if there was a paternity suit could the feds have TV cameras and videotapes? I mean, it was bad enough with Paula. . .

Mr. Speaker: For what purpose does the gentleman from Indiana, Rep. Swill, rise?

Mr. Swill: I rise to offer an amendment to this excellent measure. My amendment merely declares statutorily that the number of angles that can stand on the head on a pin is 17.

Mr. Speaker: The chair recognizes the gentleman from Nebraska, Rep. Gooch.

Mr. Gooch: Seventeen? I'd say it ought to be at least 100 angels.

Mr. Swill: No, a pinhead is very small.

Mr. Gooch: Is Indiana the Pinhead State?

Mr. Speaker: Order. Order. For what purpose does the gentleman from Virginia, Rep. Snopes, rise?

Mr. Snopes: Mr. Speaker, sir, I too offer an amendment. Mine simply declares categorically and statutorily that "up" is 27,500 feet.

Mr. Gooch: Is that how high up is or how low up is?

Mr. Swill: I offer a substitute amendment, Mr. Speaker. It declares categorically and statutorily that God created the world in seven days.

Mr. Philander: Starting from the point of conception?

Mr. Speaker: The chair recognizes the gentleman from Iowa, Rep. Moonbeam.

Mr. Moonbeam: Blasphemy!

Mr. Speaker: Order! Order! The chair recognizes the gentleman from New York, Rep. Wince.

Mr. Wince: If the gentleman will yield for a question, Mr. Speaker, it says here in subsection A of Screech's bill that the penalty for violating this statue by means of an abortion shall be death. Don't you think that's a little stiff?

Mr. Screech: Human life is sacred!

Mr. Rev. Ayatollah: Death to the abortionists!

Mr. Philander: This use of the word statutorily. Is that like statutory rape or something?

Mr. Screech: Not even in the case of rape.

Mr. Speaker: Will someone move the previous question?

Mr. Snopes: Not one foot!

Mr. Swill: Was the previous question my bill declaring the Theory of Relativity illegal in states with a 55 mph speed limit?

Mr. Moonbeam: Blasphemy!