When Ronald Reagan came to town To tear the Federal Triangle down. Sacred cows were swept aside Budgets drooped and programs died. But deficits soared ($100 billion?) And the debt--gasp!--rose above a trillion. The Grand Old Party's Trojan Horse Rolled in and disgorged Anne M. Gors'ch, Baldrige, Edwards, Stockman, Wick, Ray D., Casey, Kirkpatrick, Bush and Baker, Buckley, Brock, Teacher Bell and Farmer Block, Schweiker, Dick, and Lewis, Drew, Schwenkfelders both and good ones, too. As for Cap, he's lost his knife So B1s have gained a second life. Ture came to town to try The economics of supply But monetarist stars still twinkle In the dreams of Beryl Sprinkel. Hats off to Murray Weidenbaum And devotees of trickle-down, Who now broadcast to all the nation The joys of reconciliation. Out with paper and other bummers! Bring on OMB's new form numbers. The red-tape cutters feel quite cozy With Chris DeMuth and Jim J. Tozzi. They brought new life to the Budget Bureau (Whose brilliant and loquacious guru Drove even Bonzo's co-star frantic By speaking frankly in the Atlantic.) Poor Mike Deaver cannot stay; He can't get by on $60K. But Alex Haig and Edwin Meese Will stay--we think. (No squabbles, please.) Ahoy!--All hands salute the chiefs Who hope through arms to bring us peace: Admiral Hayward, are you sick over The loss of spunky H.G. Rickover? Still, try to launch a yuletide carol At Generals Jones, Meyer, Allen, Barrow. To Don Regan we'll lift a glass (We don't know what's inside, alas. The liquor regs his office tabl'd Called for contents to be label'd). Treasury also--under the sway Of a forceful lobby, the NRA-- Finally gave the old heave-ho To Firearms, Alcohol and Tobacco. Long gone--since fiscal New Year's Day-- Is OEO's offspring, the CSA. And as we take out the holiday tree We'll remember our friends at the EEOC. Alive, perhaps, but just in form-- For months the board has lacked a quor'm. Hail FCC, and Justice, too, Where Bill French Smith and all his crew No longer swear by antitrust Nor think school busing is a must. To Raymond Peck, the safety czar (Who burst the air bag in your car, Consigned "The Car Book" to the dumpster And has a plan for smaller bumpsters): We hope your seat belt will fit tight, What's good for GM must be right. Fortune's 500 are filled with glee (Congress can veto the FTC.) Voluntarism's abroad in the land With Hayes and Thorne Auchter lending a hand, What's in those pills? Ask your pharmacist. FDA won't make him give you a list And OSHA wants to set wrongs right Not fine the bosses or get 'em uptight. Hail to rules that didn't last Lunch for school kids on a fast Ketchup, relish, a side of tofu (Honcho Hoagland had to go, too.) Let's pause and see who we've passed by: The ICC and the FBI HHS, FERC, and--what an omission!-- The Panama Canal Commission. Then there's FEC and EPA, NOAA, NASA, the TVA, A board with a historic mission-- The FDR Memorial Commission, HUD, SEC, Admin of Vets, Which wrestles with some brand-new threats: (Ex-GIs want help with th' effects delayed Of Agent Orange that once was sprayed). Hail both DOEs, but fast! Through this year they may not last. Good tidings to all at the CPSC; Skoal, NLRB! Salud, NRC! Nuclear plants for licenses wait While engineers get their blueprints straight. And for James Watt, a separate verse, Environmentalists wonder, "Can he get worse?" With oil drilling here, strip mining there, Parks thrown open to concessionaires. Give up that land and sell those leases But save us just a few small pieces. Diligent reader, can you spot The Cabinet member we forgot? If not, don't fret: Our president, too, Misnamed him at a White House do. Goodbye RIFees, 12,000 strong No longer a part of the merry throng Who write the rules, deliver the mails, Guard our borders, run the jails, Set interstate freight rates, write the checks For pensioners, veterans and the MX. Our New Year's wish for PATCO's horde: Good luck at the Merit Systems Protection Board. We hope the year proves providential For all, essential and nonessential. Just getting by may take endurance With the new high cost of health insurance. Six months now we have run this page, To chronicle the de-reg age. Fair readers, thanks for your support. Happy New Year!
--The Federal Report