The following may or may not be found wadded into one of Marie Antoinette's old wigs in the closet of the Royal Master of Revels' bedchamber in Le Petit Trianon Palace:
Minutes of Versailles Economic Summit
Summit conference was opened by President Reagan, who said it was swell the way they could all get together this way every year. Mrs. Reagan said it was really sweet of the Mitterrands to let them use Versailles for the summit because the palace was just too gorgeous for words and really showed what the private sector could do if given half a chance. Prime Minister Suzuki took everyone's picture.
Prime Minister Spandolini suggested that the summit begin with a discussion of exchange rates, presuming U.S. policy had changed since President Nixon said he didn't give a (expletive) about the lira.
Prime Minister Thatcher said the lira wasn't worth a sou on the Falkland Islands now that Mr. Spandolini's fellow Italian, Gen. Galtieri, had gotten his proper comeuppance in the Falklands, the filthy devil. Mr. Reagan said he would be happy to talk about exchange rates. He asked what rates Mr. Spandolini would like to exchange.
Mr. Suzuki asked Chancellor Schmidt if he would like a good deal on two cases of Sony Walkmans. Mr. Schmidt said that was very kind of Mr. Suzuki and offered a trade: He'd take two cases of Sony Walkmans and in return would give Mr. Suzuki 5 million unemployed Turkish guest workers.
Prime Minister Thatcher said to keep the Turkish guest workers away from the Falkland Islands, if he didn't want a whiff of grapeshot from Her Majesty's forces. Mr. Schmidt told Mrs. Thatcher to shut up about the Falklands if she didn't want to be kicked out of the Common Market as a deadbeat. Mrs. Thatcher said deadbeat, hah, Britain's inflation rate was down to almost within a point of Germany's. Mr. Schmidt said at least Germany's low inflation rate was not the result of catastrophic unemployment, except for guest workers.
President Mitterrand suggested that everyone pause for a glass of an excellent little beaujolais he had come across in Secretary of State Haig's briefcase and then return for a discussion of monetary policy vs. fiscal policy. During the wine break, Mrs. Reagan showed Mr. Mitterrand a White House menu she had had printed in French. Mr. Mitterrand said it was very nice, but pointed out that "macaron en fromage" meant macaroons and cheese in French, not macaroni and cheese.
The conference resumed with Mr. Reagan saying monetary and fiscal policy was fine with him, but he thought the summit was supposed to be about economics. Prime Minister Trudeau rose and threw his chair against the wall, asking permission to speak. It was granted on a vote of 5 to 1, with Mrs. Thatcher objecting.
Mr. Trudeau asked why the Canadian delegation was the only one that ever took these conferences seriously. Mr. Trudeau demanded that the conference deal with the chief problem before it: the astronomic American interest rates that were destroying the world economy. Mr. Reagan said they hadn't given his program a chance to work. Mr. Schmidt said Japan was also to blame because of its restrictive trade policies and demanded that Japan open its American car markets to German competition. Mr. Suzuki asked if anyone would like a good deal on 7 million underpriced motorcycles. Mr. Reagan asked what a debenture was.
A tray of macaroons was served, and it was thrown against the wall by Mr. Trudeau. Mr. Spandolini said the only item of business remaining was where to hold the next economic summit and suggested Rome, where everyone would pay attention to the exchange rate of the lira. Mr. Trudeau said, given the state of the world economy, it would be fitting to hold the summit in the ruins of the Colosseum.
The conference approved the joint communiqu,e that had been written by staff two weeks before. It said there had been a frank exchange and useful talks.