LOOKING FOR the ideal job? The Wall Street Journal may have found it for you: legal intern. See if you can't even become one on a professional, lifelong, now-and-forever basis. If the description in the Journal is accurate--and we have no reason to doubt it--you won't be sorry. And you also won't be overtaxed. How about a job with lunch at one of your better restaurants thrown in, maybe a summer membership at an athletic club, and once or twice a week a Broadway show, museum opening, yacht cruise or similar diversion? Plus a salary, naturally --something around a thou a week. Of course, you have to move to New York to get the Broadway shows, and Manhattan rents would cut into your mad money. Ever considerate, one New York firm throws in half the rent as well.

For that, you might find even mergers and acquisitions pretty exciting. One intern says that nine- hour days are fairly routine. But the internship still sounds like a lot more fun than making partner. Not so lucrative, but good enough. As one might expect, conditions are a little more austere in Washington. One of our more distinguished firms pays only $650 a week, plus occasional dinner parties, the use of a squash court and exercise room in the office, and every night a cocktail party on the roof. We forgot the raft trip, the barbecue and the baseball game. Sorry. And they forgot lunch. Do you suppose they couldn't afford it? Well, the rents are cheaper here, so maybe you could buy your own.

The Wall Street Journal quotes one young intern as saying, "There's an air of frenzied unreality about the whole thing." Unreality? Come on, kid. What's unreal about mergers and acquisitions? Those fees that pay your salary (plus perks) are real enough. This is hardball. Entertain that offer from Cavil, Cavil, Chicanery, Grovel & Snitch, but hold out for transportation. No, not a Metro Farecard. Not your boring Mercedes, either. Something different. Maybe a gondola.