Belgium and the Netherlands, irritated by their exclusion from President Reagan's proposed presummit meeting with the leaders of five industrialized nations, said today that they have asked for a special NATO foreign ministers' council as the "appropriate" forum for discussing East-West relations before Reagan's talks with Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev.

The Belgian-Dutch initiative was the second setback this week for Reagan's efforts to show western unity before the November summit meeting in Geneva.

France, in a move officials described as an assertion of political independence, declined Reagan's invitation yesterday.

The initiative also showed the Dutch government's strong reaction to being left out of a key meeting on arms control just before the country is set to make the sensitive decision whether to deploy NATO cruise missiles, officials said.

Belgian Foreign Minister Leo Tindemans, in consultation with his Dutch counterpart, Hans van den Broek, sent a letter yesterday to Secretary of State George P. Shultz requesting the NATO meeting "around Oct. 24 in New York," the date and location of Reagan's proposed talks with the leaders of Britain, Canada, Italy, West Germany and Japan, a Belgian Foreign Ministry spokesman said.

He added that "at the moment" his proposal did not include participation by Reagan.

"Belgium thinks the appropriate framework for examining East-West relations remains in NATO," said the Foreign Ministry spokesman.

Belgian and Dutch sources emphasized that the unusual initiative reflected the two countries' perception that the United States was being insensitive to their political situations.

The move also symbolized the frustrations of small countries in the alliance, who sometimes feel NATO affairs are dominated by its larger partners.

The center-right government of Belgian Prime Minister Wilfried Martens, acting in the face of strong public opposition, went ahead with the deployment of NATO nuclear cruise missiles earlier this year.

The government coalition faces a tight election Oct. 13. Its socialist opponents have taken a stand against the missiles.

The Belgian government, one Belgian source said, took "considerable political risks" by deploying and now finds itself being left out of a major meeting on arms control.

The Netherlands, which is to decide Nov. 1 whether to deploy the 48 NATO cruise missiles it has been assigned, has an even more powerful domestic antimissile movement. The center-right government, itself divided over the wisdom of deployment, is expected to approve installation but only after publicly outlining conditions on the use of the weapons.

A Dutch source in The Hague said that the government was "really irked" at being left out of Reagan's proposed meeting and that the exclusion would not help the government convince the public of the need for deployment.

Dutch Prime Minister Ruud Lubbers sent a letter to Parliament yesterday in which he described the deployment agreement that would be made between the United States and the Netherlands.

The Dutch version of the agreement basically restates the standard NATO procedures for the command and control of nuclear weapons, which put the weapons under the final control of the NATO supreme commander, Gen. Bernard Rogers, diplomatic sources in The Hague said.

The Dutch government has outlined the agreement to refute charges by the opposition Labor Party that the United States would in reality decide when to use the weapons, the sources said.

The government argues that it would be consulted under NATO procedures