This just in from BBC News! While Americans are preoccupied with investigations of world terrorism, other nations have different concerns.
So we find that "the Sri Lankan authorities have ordered an inquiry," the BBC reported, "after a dove-freeing ceremony intended to symbolize peace went disastrously wrong."
Seems "one bird was dead before takeoff and 'dropped like a brick,' " the BBC said, quoting its cameraman, Sriyantha Walpola, "soon after it left the hands of the public security minister, Ratnasiri Wickremanayake, at a ceremony last weekend."
And it wasn't as if a flock was taking off. Seems the poor bird was one of seven being released at a recent U.N. ceremony attended by Lt. Gen. James L. Campbell, commander of U.S. Army forces in the Pacific. His bird flew off quite smartly.
So "instead of soaring majestically into the air to symbolize the government's commitment to peace and goodwill," the BBC reported, the bird nose-dived to the ground.
Not to worry.
"A three-member delegation of the military police," led by an army major no less, has been called in "to investigate the mystery of the dead dove." They will look into the circumstances and try to see if there was any sabotage, a defense ministry spokesman said.
Sure, maybe it was the fault of Tamil Tiger separatists. Or maybe it was keeping the birds waiting for a half-hour in 90-degree heat and excessive humidity?
Clear as Mud
Some folks in Congress are upset by our Saudi friends' occasional hallucinatory outbursts.
Crown Prince Abdullah -- remember, he's the enlightened one in the family, the one the Bush administration is counting on -- was shown on a tape obtained by NBC News blaming a recent wave of terrorist attacks on Zionists.
"Zionism is behind it," Abdullah said, through a translator. "It has become clear now. It has become clear to us," he said. "It is not 100 percent, but 95 percent that the Zionist hands are behind what has happened."
This might be a bit perplexing, since al Qaeda has claimed responsibility for the attacks.
But not to worry. Prince Nayef, the interior minister, explained what's going on. "Al Qaeda is backed by Israel and Zionism." Ah, but of course.
So Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) has circulated a "Dear Colleague" letter asking for House members to condemn these "scurrilous and inflammatory charges."
It was only a matter of time before people figured out those obvious ties between Osama bin Laden and Ariel Sharon.
Just think of it: A Zionist wave is sweeping the Arabian peninsula. Who knew?
Wanted: A Slogan in Every Pot
Don't forget the In the Loop Presidential Slogan Contest! This is to help the Bush and Kerry presidential campaigns come up with an incisive, memorable slogan to fire up their troops and move on to victory. We're looking for something along the lines of the great ones of the past: "54-40 or Fight," or "A Chicken in Every Pot," or "Morning in America." Or perhaps the great non-presidential one in Louisiana in 1991 when Klansman David Duke ran against the ethically challenged former governor Edwin W. Edwards: "Vote for the Crook, It's Important." (Edwards is serving a 10-year prison term.)
Send in your suggestions, no more than one per candidate, to: In the Loop, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or e-mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org. Include your name and home and work phone numbers.
The 10 winning entries for each campaign will win classic, dark-blue-with-white-lettering In the Loop T-shirts. Contest deadline is June 23.
Michigan Win Is a Loss
Probably just as well for California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R) that the Detroit Pistons destroyed the Los Angeles Lakers in a stunning upset and won the NBA title in five games.
Seems Schwarzenegger and Michigan Gov. Jennifer M. Granholm (D) had bet a bunch of their states' products on the outcome. The winner sends the loser the items to be consumed while wearing the winning team's jersey. Schwarzenegger's offer included California wine.
But sending wine to Michigan is illegal under Michigan law, the lobbying group Free the Grapes reminds us.
Opening a Former SecDef's Closet
Speaking of real estate and such, we're most upset to have missed a fine auction last weekend at a Chappaqua, N.Y., estate on Hog Hill Road that included, a New York Times ad said, "items from the personal collection of a former secretary of defense, et al." The items ranged from your usual Renoirs and Rembrandts and Monets to a "princess style sapphire and diamond necklace" and to "art owned by Elvis Presley plus a rare night gown owned by Marilyn Monroe."
Hmm. . . . Did he wear the necklace with the gown?
Hastert Aide to Lobby
Moving on . . . Darren Willcox, a top policy adviser on health care and Social Security issues to House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) and before that top aide to Rep. Porter Goss (R-Fla.), is moving to the lobbying Dutko Group Cos. as head of the health policy practice.