Brad Stoddard, an alter ego of George Allen as director of operations for the "Redskins," know who is going to be the starting quarterback next season and he is ready to tell everybody.
It is Bionic Billy Joe, a sort of composite quarterback.
Thursdays through Sundays at the Trinity Theater, the Hexagon Players are performing in a satirical revenue called "Jest A Minute."
In a sketch subtitled "All's Well That Ends Well," there is a spoof of coach Allen's problem done in Shakespearean costume, sort of.
The characters representing various Redskins wear capes and cavalier hats with plumes, but there are numbers on the capes and, in Allen's case, he maintains his coach's cap. There are puns to groan at and doggerel gruesomely prophetic.
Billy Kilmer stabs Len Hauss and laments, "My Hauss . . . my Hauss: my kingdom for a Houss . . ." Well, you get the idea.
Kilmer and Joe Theismann would cach other at swordplay and lie moaning and groaning when the resourceful Allen enters with an emergency solution.
The coach does a Frankenstein, creating Bionic Billiy Joe to play quarterback.
But, Billy Joe comes up out of a trapdoor, stumbles downstage, and accidentally stabs Allen.
"Oh, thou hast slain the master," Billy Joe is told.
Billy Joe concedes, "Tis true . . . I've neither with nor charm/I'm slow of foot and weak of arm/I fear there's not a thing for me/except to be the king, you see."
He puts on Allen's cap of authority, and takes control of coaching and quarterbacking.
It helps to know that it is all for charity. The unpaid actors raised $38,000 last year. This year, the show is for the benefit of the Florence Crittenton Home. Reservations ca be made at 333-4834.