Lyle Alzado, an unpaid endorser of the beer that has that television commercial featuring Mickey Spillane, chug-a-lugged this week in a scene straight out of a Dead End Kids movie.
"There is one thing that Art Shell does to me," he said of the Oakland Raiders' left offensive tackle. "He backs me into a corner. Being from the streets of New York, that makes me mad.
"I have had good games against Shell - but don't print that, he'll paste it onto his hotel room window - and Art is a hell of a guy. But I just don't like him in a game.
"There have been times when he holds," Alzado said in reply to a question, grinning for effect at his mock, understated charge. He holds and I punch and spit on him. I talk about his mother and father.
"But he does things like other offensive linemen - maybe put vaseline on his jersey, things like that. It all evens out. A lot of talking goes on.Tom Jackson (the right linebacker who plays behind right defensive end Alzado) talks all the time, about the other guys' cousins, kids . . . about how ugly they are.
"Sometimes, I say to him, doesn't your mouth ever get tired?"
"In our last game here, against Oakland, John Madden (the Raiders coach) was coming out to the field to holler at the officials and Jackson shouted at him, "You big, fat S.O.B., stay out of the game.'
"Madden looked at him as if he were crazy."
The Broncos lost that game but Alzado said they won the game in Oakland because they forced quarter-back Kenny Stabler to make mistakes.
"We knew Kenny has had a bad knee for a long time," Alzado said.
"We don't have a game plan to maim a guy. You never try to hurt anyone. But if we can't beat him up, we'll beat him.
"If we can run him out of there (the pass protection pocket), we'll run him out there. I think he was really frustrated in our first game (when the Broncos won, 30-7). Gee, we intercepted on him seven times. Three of them were tipped passes."
Alzado, a 6-foot-3 and 260-pound native of Brooklyn who was the first player ever drafted from Yankton College in South Dakota, is a menacing figure, with his beard. He is a former regional Golden Gloves heavy-weight champion who won 27 straight victories.
"I don't want this to end up on the Raiders' bullctin board," he said, and then, reassured that postal deliveries are not that fast, went on, "We're going to do a lot of blitzing, and stunting, and jumping around on the line of scrimmage.
"The first time we faced Stabler, we had a defense where our linebackers blitzed him. It got him upset.
"The second time, they ran left where I am playing. I was supposed to hit their tackle and slide inside but they bounced outside me with blocking that wasn't in our defensive game plan. It won't happen this time.
"Jackson plays on my side, but he was hurt, and he wasn't responsible."
Asked about the obvious problem, playing opposite tackle Shell and guard Gene Upshaw who dominated Minnesota in the Super Bowl, Alzado said, "If I got a guy like Tom Jackson playing behind me and healthy, which he is. I can do anything. He's so quick.
"It's fun. We used to win five games a season and celebrate . . . have parties. You can imagine how much fun it is now."
Does he drink Orange Crush, the beverage the Denver defense has been namd after, to celebrate?
"I hate that stuff."