It could be a deep, dark plot to afflict the Washington Redskins with a low-grade infection of fatheadedness on Sunday.
But the Saints' 0-7 record is a running blessing for the night club comedians in the French Quarter of New Orleans.
For one, sportscaster Buddy Diliberto of station WVUE-TV swears on a Saints press brochure that the following story is true.
A disgusted fan went shopping and, to express his attitude, he left two game tickets on the outside of the windshield on his car. When he came back two hours later, there were four more tickets attached to them.
"When fans offer tickets to kids outside the Superdome," Diliberto says, "they ask where the seats are before they will accept them, and they're little kids. The concessionaires are taking orders for hot dogs -- to go."
In another bad season for the Saints, Diliberto was the fellow who popularized the gag about the opposition always knew which New Orleans running back was going to carry the ball: "The one who came out of the huddle with tears in his eyes."
His station presents watches to outstanding Saints' players. "One week, I gave it to Gumbo, the team's mascot," Diliberto said. "Last week, I gave one to a fan who displayed a sign in the Superdome which read, 'And George Brett thinks he's hurting.'"
Fans have made up bogus 1981 schedules that have the Saints opening with the Campfire Girls and the Little Sisters of the Poor, listing them as underdogs to both of them.
After Russell Erxleben missed several field goal attempts, one of which cost a victory, he was quoted as saying, "I felt so bad I tried to kill myself, but the bullet went wide to the left."
Visiting coaches used to declare many night spots off-limits to their players. Now, they send them there for rest and recreation. The slogan is "You have to go through New Orleans to get to the Super Bowl, and it's a pleasure."
But no New Orleans players have been fined for breaking curfew; they don't want to go out. Dick Nolan has come up with the "lonely coach formation."
George Allen has been reported flying over the Saints' practice field disguised as a vulture.
Still, a sellout crowd of 62,651 watched the 41-14 loss to Atlanta and those fans were likened to the passengers clinging to the Titanic by the fingernails, waiting for the plumber.
The Saints have scored only three touchdowns on the ground. Bets are made on whether they will make a first down rushing; they have 24 in seven games.
The nastiest description of the Saints is "empty suits."
Luckiest was Chuck Muncie, who, because he wore glasses on the field, saw no holes in opposing lines, saw no future in New Orleans, and got himself traded to 5-2 San Diego by showing no dispostion to self-destruct.
Unluckiest is Benny Ricardo, who took over the placekicking from Erxleben. He left a Detroit team that was 2-14 in 1979 to join the Saints and now the Lions are 5-2.
Hank Stram is a big winner. He left New Orleans and Kansas City after settling $1 million coaching contracts with both franchises and now both are losers.
The Saints announced yesterday that running back Tony Galbreath will start at fullback for the first time in three weeks; that Jim Rogers, the "other guy" in Oklahoma backfield at one time behind Elvis Peacock and later Billy Sims, will make his first start in place of Wayne Wilson, and offensive tackle Stan Brock, No. 1 draft choice from Colorado, will start for the first time in three games.
It may be ominous for Rogers, because he is wearing a championship ring from leading Edmonton to the Grey Cup in the Canadian Football League.