Nice spread in People magazine, excerpts from Ed Kiersh's book "Where Have You Gone, Vince DiMaggio?" on baseball heroes of yore. We learn that Bernie Carbo is now Monsieur Bernardo, unisex hairdresser in Wyandotte, Mich. . . . Mickey Lolich shakes and bakes at Mickey Lolich's Donut and Pastry Shop in Rochester, Mich. . . . Vince DiMaggio, 70, is a Fuller Brush salesman in L.A. . . . etc.

Then, a UPI item from Chappell Hill, Tex.: ex-shortstop Roger Metzger, who lost part of his throwing hand to a table saw, works the kitchen of Bluebonnet Hills Inn, a restaurant he and wife run.

And now . . . Kevin Saucier, 26, about to become a "What ever happened to?" The left-handed reliever who excited Phillies and Tigers fandom 1980-82 with his excitable demeanor has quit the Braves organization, gone home to Pensacola, Fla., and says he'll open a pizza parlor/lounge, "The Dugout."

Saucier, plagued with control problems that hastened his exit from Detroit last year, walked off from practice with AAA Richmond and his wife Karen notified Manager Eddie Haas of his retirement. Saucier says he feared a nervous breakdown; "Sometimes I was afraid I was going to kill somebody. It's really a lot of pressure on you when you're out there and you don't know where the ball is going to go . . . The money's good, but I wanted to keep my sanity."

Like Steve Blass, the Pirate who went inexplicably wild with his pitches and, as "Where Have You . . . " reports, is happy selling rings . . .

Cubs pitcher Dickie Noles has been sued for $500,000 by Cincinnati policeman Kim Cohen in the aftermath of those charges of assault, drunk and disorderly, and resisting arrest. Cohen alleges Noles caused him back spasms that will lay him up at least two weeks ("a possibility it's a herniated disc"). Noles said earlier he is willing to give up baseball temporarily if necessary to control his drinking. The Chicago club fined him "substantially" for the incident. At the Cubs' insistence, he entered an alcohol abuse program last year; he reenters saying this time he'll stick with it--or he might become a "Whatever happened to . . . "

Ex-pitcher Carl Morton, 1970 NL rookie of the year (18-11 with Montreal), collapsed after jogging, died at 39 yesterday in Tulsa.