Other men go to newsstands to flip through girlie magazines and how-to-make-a-million books. I go to newsstands to flip through tabloids.
Not the MOM HAS ONE-EYED QUINTUPLETS stuff you see in the supermarket. I mean the tabs from Philly, New York, Boston and Chicago -- where the manager of the baseball team has always just done the wrong thing, where the mayor is always a rotten stinking bum and where you see headlines like:
SINGLE WOMEN PREFER SEX TO ROSES
There it was, in The New York Post, at the newsstand in the Farragut North Metro station the other night. I'm not one to spend 40 cents lightly. But since I happen to prefer sex to roses myself, this was 40 cents I forked over painlessly.
I learned that a New York psychologist has just finished studying 5,000 urban men and women. His discovery: women are going after one-night stands.
"These are not relationships; they're associations of convenience," the psychologist was quoted as saying. Women are "looking for a disposable relationship, just like fast food."
And men? Fifty-five percent hope that one-night stands will blossom into romance -- up from 43 percent 10 years ago, the good doctor found.
Conclusion, please? "Men are becoming serious, while women are outdoing men at their own game."
Well, maybe my wedding ring has constricted the flow of blood to my brain. But it seems to me that:
No woman can find a "fast food man" if he isn't willing to be found on the same terms.
No man ever succeeded at a one-night stand if a woman didn't let him succeed.
So how can women be "outdoing men at their own game?" It was always a game that both sexes played, by definition.
By the way, there was evidence to dispute the psychologist right there on the same newsstand.
The wedding announcements in The New York Times covered six pages.
And Brides Magazine was sold out. Around town:
Vienna: As usual, somebody without the appropriate sticker had grabbed the handicapped space at the McDonald's at Rte. 123 and Courthouse Road. So Barbara Motley of Fairfax, who is handicapped, couldn't park where the law gives her the right to park.
As Barbara was trying to figure out what to do, the illegal parker returned to her car with a bagful of McSomethings. So Barbara told her what she thought of her grabbiness.
"It's raining," said the woman. "I'm not parking way out there when it's raining."
Like the stock market, selfishness often hits new highs -- or should I say lows?
Woodley Park: On a Saturday afternoon in the spring, the entrance to the National Zoo is a sea of kids, cars, strollers, balloons and school buses. But what if 10 of the school buses are from Memphis? And what if they're being convoyed down Connecticut Avenue by two Memphis police cars -- sirens and emergency lights going full blast?
Such was the spectacle a couple of Saturdays back, according to several local residents. They want to know if it's legal.
It isn't. A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police says that only officers from local departments can use emergency equipment on D.C. streets.
Any comment from Memphis? "I have no comment on the matter," said Al Williams, deputy director of the Memphis Police Department, "because I have no knowledge of it. I never authorized it. I have no knowledge of Memphis police being in Washington."
Well, those buses and cop cars didn't belong to the tooth fairy, Brother Williams. How would you like it if two D.C. police cars disrupted traffic on Beale Street? You wouldn't? Well, neither did we. Reunions fast approaching:
George Washington High 1960: July 13. Call Sarah Howard Schramm (548-5352).
Annandale '65: June 21-23. Call Robert Michael Abrams (451-0891).
Fairfax '65: July 6. Call Carolyn E. Gecan (524-2434).
James Madison '75: June 8. Call Dan Tennant (780-7070 days or 780-7938 evenings).
Roosevelt '45: June 22. Call Ruth Cohen (949-1092 after 5:30).
Falls Church '55: June 22. Call Jack Lynn (683-2996).
Mount Vernon '65: June 22. Call Mike Frank (557-5360).
Peary '75: July 13 and 14. Call Betty Lopez (229-9192 evenings).
Old Oakton High '22-'35: June 9. Call Mayo Stuntz (938-8176).
Fort Hunt '65: weekend of June 22. Call 360-5800.
Dunbar '55: June 22. Call Joanne (336-2890 or 636-7971).