Fine friends you turned out to be. I'm away from this space for a couple of weeks, and did any of you call to find out why? Did any of you bother to send a card? Or some cake? Don't think I won't remember.

Anyway, I've been looking over the newspapers, and a lot of things happened that I have questions about. Maybe you can help me out.

Who is Kevin McKenna?

Will the NBA team that drafts Michigan State's Scott Skiles be obligated to draft his parole officer, too?

Do you think it's important for David Shula to coach in a state where he's old enough to drive?

Did we get a baseball team yet?

By the way, have you calculated your profit had you only put that season-ticket money into the stock market?

How many of you are secretly hoping that Buddy Ryan falls on his face next year with the Eagles?

Did you believe Spud Webb?

I'm thinking of a number between 16 and 35,000. Can you guess how many teams will make the NCAAs next year? Will DeMatha be one of them?

Who invented 10-day contracts? Who pays for shipping the dry cleaning -- the team or the player -- if the contract expires before the shirts come back?

I can understand why lack of uniformity in tracks and distances would make certain indoor track records unofficial, but the high jump? The pole vault? If Bubka or Olson go 20 feet in the Garden next week, are we supposed to pretend it didn't happen? Where do they hold these IAAF meetings, on Mister Rogers' trolley?

Am I the only one who looks at the Bullets box scores and wonders how come nobody besides Jeff Malone seems to get 30-plus minutes three games in a row?

Who is Joe Dial?

Given that we have home teams in both the ACC and the Big East, why would a college basketball fan live in any city other than Washington?

This Jan Kemp, is she any relation to Jack Kemp?

How big a joke is Pac-10 basketball?

At what point do foreign governments begin borrowing money from Dwight Gooden and Don Mattingly?

Did we get a USFL team yet?

Who do you have to know around here to get the bowling scores?

Wasn't that a curious thing the NHL did, abandon its all-star game in favor of some games with the Russians? What's the next move if that works, shifting the St. Louis Blues to Kiev?

Let me see if I've got this straight: Tim Witherspoon wins one of those alphabet soup heavyweight titles on Jan. 17. In the postfight urinalysis, he tests positive for marijuana. He admits that he smoked it once -- on Thanksgiving Day! My question is this: How much are they getting for that stuff?

Why can't I get dog-sled racing on TV?

Two seasons ago, Akeem Olajuwon, Sam Bowie and Michael Jordan were the Nos. 1, 2 and 3 picks in the NBA draft. Now they're all injured. Mere coincidence, or is Ferdinand Marcos behind it?

How many lyrical stories about spring training would we see if they held spring training in Manitoba?

The Cincinnati Reds have told Rollie Fingers he can try out for the team if he shaves off his mustache. If he makes the team, does he have to shave off his chest hair, too?

Does anyone know what Dale Brown is talking about?

Will the Capitals beat the Islanders in the playoffs this year? The playoffs are this year, aren't they, or does this regular season never stop?

What was William Bedford doing with those cars, delivering meals on wheels?

Give me a break on the USFL. After cancelling its 1986 spring season, at least one owner campaigned to postpone its 1986 fall season. Who's running that league, Gerry Cooney?

Where's the NASL? Did I miss something?

I like assists as much as the next guy, eh, but doesn't Wayne Gretzky score goals anymore?

Nine BYU football players were suspended from the team for drinking beer at a Citrus Bowl party. What time zone are they in out there?

Is Joaquin Andujar the next David Letterman?

Do you think Hubie Brown has a shot at getting the Knicks job?

The 76ers moved Julius Erving from forward to guard to shorten the court for him, and he felt so refreshed he decided to play a while longer. If he's still playing in 1990, does he get to use a golf cart?

Seriously, how many times do you have to fumble to be academically ineligible at Georgia?

Are they sure they know what they're doing in Peter Ueberroth's office, planning a full circuit of these Old Timers' Games? If Luke Appling plays the whole tour, he'll be 90 years old in September. Who's the corporate sponsor, Polident?

Who is Steve Zungul?