Many will look at the Kemper Open scores after yesterday's second round and moan, "Send in the clones."
Not many could pass a test on leader Charlie Bolling, whose 67-70 -- 137 gave him a one-shot lead.
The quartet bunched behind him -- Larry Mize, Mike Reid, Leonard Thompson and Bobby Clampett, who tied the course record with a 64 -- might stump a "What's My Line?" panel, too.
And Dan Forsman and Donnie Hammond, who are two shots back, aren't really much help in the celebrity sweeps. The top seven players at the midpoint of this $500,000 showdown have won only seven PGA events in a combined 49 seasons on tour.
You have to go back to Curtis Strange (68), alone at 140, plus a trio of past champions at 141 -- Craig Stadler, Greg Norman and Fred Couples -- to find any traces of golf's elite hereabouts.
That, however, is the surface view. Several of these little-known leaders illustrate one of golf's problems. If you don't win, the public seldom meets you. So, no matter how interesting you may be, you're a shadow man.
First on yesterday's mystery guest list was Bolling, who inherited the lead when Couples quadruple-bogeyed No. 16 to follow his opening 64 with a 77.
No relation to Milt, Ten-Pin or the Air Force base, this Bolling had a double major in history and economics at Duke and has a penchant for mountain climbing and winter camping. A man fascinated by what's difficult. Like Congressional, from which he has nursed a dozen birdies.
"Thursday was the first good [opening] round I've had this year," said the 5-foot-9, 150-pounder who is 84th on the money list after missing his first four cuts of the season. "I was pleased to finish the way I did today -- birdie, birdie."
As he spoke, Bolling saw Couples' 7 on the par-3 16th go up on the board. Suddenly, he was ahead. "Excuse me, I was distracted," he said to a questioner. "I like seeing my name at the top of the board."
Ever seen it there before?
"I led the U.S. Open after nine holes," Bolling said, laughing.
Since he has never finished higher than ninth in three years on tour, Bolling might want to take a snapshot of that board; he's way above his normal tree line, and the air could get thin. His usual nemesis -- "trying too hard" -- isn't the best of habits.
Bunched behind Bolling are the sort of fellows who don't normally get their due. Take Reid, for instance, a man who is desperately trying not "to become the answer to the great trivia question."
Who is the only golfer ever to win a million dollars without winning a tournament?
It's not Mike Reid. Yet.
He's $42,781 short of his million.
"I'm on the hot seat. It looked like Dan Pohl would beat me to it, but then he won at Colonial," said the accurate but short-hitting Reid. "I'm not going to change my game until after I win. I was stubborn when I came out here and, 10 years later, I'm still stubborn . . .
"Win or nothing, that's the way American sports is. Out here on tour, all the peripheral support systems, the contracts and the pats on the head are geared to winning . . . I'm not resigned to staying winless. I used to have that 'What's-going-to-go-wrong-this-time?' attitude. Now, I try to have more fun."
Thompson and Forsman usually have fun, too, although, in Thompson's case, too much of a good time at the dinner table may have hurt him. Yesterday afternoon, he was smiling after he hit a 4-wood second shot at the par-5 sixth hole -- "about three clubs too much" -- and watched a tiny pine tree keep his ball from a pond. Instead of bogey, birdie. "Fun day," he said.
Mize, this year's Man With a Mission at Kemper, was still in high spirits after a 71 that ended with three straight birdies. "Yes, I do feel like I have something to prove," said Mize, who had a five-shot last-round lead here last year, then closed with 39 on the back nine to lose by a shot.
Of all the par-busters enjoying the relatively easy pickings on this fast, baked course where 32 men are under par, nobody's as happy as Clampett.
"It's enjoyable just watching a round like that," said Mize, who was paired with Clampett as the 26-year-old from Monterey, Calif., joined Couples and George Burns as the only players ever to shoot eight under par at Congressional. "He was knockin' down every flag."
On his last 10 holes, Clampett made seven birdies -- including an incredible five tap-ins for birdie. Clampett began on the 10th hole and closed with a 30 on the front nine -- tying Jack Nicklaus for that course record. His nine birdies for the day tied Couples' day-old mark.
Clampett would never have guessed what was coming. He was "so dejected" by amazingly wild drives on the practice tee that he stopped in the parking lot to check his alignment with a few swings beside one of the parking stripes. A passing fan cracked, "If you haven't got it by now, you're not gonna get it."
At the first tee, Clampett, who has been in an awful slump for four years, listened while Mize's fine credentials were announced. Then, Clampett was introduced as "94th on last season's money list and tied for 56th here last year."
"I started chuckling," said Clampett, who was one of the most heralded young players in the history of the sport just six years ago. "I couldn't even draw it back. I had to walk away . . .
"Then I just striped one down the middle and said, 'Let's try to do that again.' "
He never stopped.
Clampett, who was the tour's 14th- and 17th-leading money winner at ages 21 and 22, has, in the last two years, entirely rebuilt his swing. "I'm always up in the air as to what to expect in this game," he said. "In a slump? Who, me? Aren't you impressed with 117th on the money list?
"Actually, I think what I'm doing is kind of courageous. The old swing I had was breaking down. I was never going to be the best player I could be with that swing. So I accepted a couple of years of this to get back [to the top] in the future. I was willing to sacrifice that."
Through it all, Clampett has not lost the sense of humor that has made him a trick-shot wizard. At a press room interview, Mize actually began pretending that he was Clampett while Clampett, sitting with the press, asked questions of himself.
"Bobby, where to from here?" asked Clampett of Mize-Clampett.
"I'm a little frustrated. I shoulda had a 59," said Mize, imitating Clampett's compulsive perfectionism. "I'm going to the practice range and see if I can hole a few of those iron shots that I was leaving on the edge. No more tap-ins for birdie . We're gonna beat the course record tomorrow."
"How do you feel?" asked Clampett of his alter ego.
"Speaking for both of us," said Mize, "we feel pretty good."
Clampett then came to the microphone and, in an almost perfect imitation of Gary Player's voice, said, "So nice to be here with my lovely wife Vivienne. Just fantastic. I really feel good about me. You know my son Wayne is now the best player in our country. Not very good in the city, but great in the country. Yes, just wonderful. Do you know I've won 187 tournaments worldwide? Which is only 93 better than Jack Nicklaus. And they say that Jack is the greatest player ever."
Yes, send in the clones.