Colts 24, Ravens 7
A quarterback controversy in Baltimore? After Kyle "Pro" Boller goes out with an injury, backup Anthony Wright leads the Ravens to seven more points -- in far fewer minutes.
Redskins 9, Bears 7
At least for one week, all those optimists who said the Redskins would go 9-7 are looking pretty smart. Because, at least for one week, the Redskins did just that.
Saints 23, Panthers 20
A last-second field goal, a divisional road win and a feel-good moment for America's sentimental favorites.
Steelers 34, Titans 7
Looks like it's going to be a long season for the Titans' defense. Longer, even, than the hypothetical name of the adopted child of Pittsburgh's quarterback and right defensive end, SirValiant von Oelhoffen-Roethlisberger.
Jaguars 26, Seahawks 14
Last year, we heard so much about Curtis Martin being underrated that by the time he won the NFL rushing crown, he had higher ratings than an episode of "CSI: Wisteria Lane." (C'mon, it's bound to happen.) Now, Jimmy Smith -- I mean, there's no kind of underrated like plays-in-Jacksonville underrated.
Bengals 27, Browns 13
Sure Cleveland opened the season by getting drubbed at home by its in-state rival. The good news is at least Tim Couch isn't around anymore.
Chiefs 27, Jets 7
The Jets' rush defense looked Charmin-like soft, barely putting up one-ply resistance to the Chiefs' two-pronged attack. Larry Johnson could have made like his ex-NBA namesake and donned a "Grandmama" outfit, and he still would have rumbled for 12 yards a carry. Come to think of it, the actual grandmama of Larry Johnson (take your pick) could have run all over Gang Green.
Dolphins 34, Broncos 10
Mike Shanahan may have a horse for a mascot, some horsepower at running back, and, for all I know, a nag for a wife, but one thing he sorely lacks is the legendary horse-face of John Elway under center.
Bills 22, Texans 7
Houston's David Carr, the victim of 140 sacks over the past three seasons, was taken down five more times yesterday. After the game, Carr revealed that he refuses to watch "Prison Break," because he knows how it ends.
Buccaneers 24, Vikings 13
Perhaps Minnesota misses Randy Moss more than most of us would have guessed. It certainly seemed that way toward the end of the game, when a frustrated Daunte Culpepper pretended to moon the home fans.
49ers 28, Rams 25
A shocking upset, until one considers that Mike Martz is to intelligent game plans what Yoko Ono was to the Beatles.
Lions 17, Packers 3
I've heard of going to a fight and a hockey game breaking out, but the same thing happening at a Packers-Lions tilt? The lack of scoring in this one must have brought a tear to the eye of Gary Bettman -- and Mike Sherman.
Cowboys 28, Chargers 24
Reality check: Fantasy football's consensus No. 1 pick, LaDainian Tomlinson, had zero touches during San Diego's desperation drive at the end of regulation. Meanwhile, three tosses went the way of Justin Peelle, whose average fantasy position was "Who the $%!@&* is Justin Peelle?!"
Giants 42, Cardinals 19
New York had a punt and a kickoff returned for touchdowns. And the Cardinals returned to being the Cardinals.
-- Desmond Bieler